Summer in an RV
by Tweek Tweekers
Summary: Bebe's parents got her an RV for the summer. Bebe, Wendy, Craig, Clyde, Tweek, Token, Cartman, Butters, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Christophe go on a drama filled trip. Bad summary  lots of yaoi, alcohol drug use, lots of couples. my 1st multi-chap sp fic :D
1. Road Trip!

Other girls get nice cars, I on the other hand get an RV. Not to keep of course, oh no! Just for the summer. Honestly I should be having a tantrum, I should be whining and complaining, I mean that's what everyone thinks I am, a spoiled princess. Strike that; a spoiled whore. Hmpf, how judgmental.

I'm now currently moping on an uncomfortable picnic table outside of the school, everyone was wishing one another goodbye, exchanging numbers and having one hell of a time. While I being the oddball sat out and slumped.

Nothing can be worse than having an RV and nowhere to go. My parents divorced and refuse to spend time with one another unless it is absolutely necessary- it never is. Therefore a family vacation is so out of the question. Plus hanging out with my parents would be boring anyways, even if they did get along.

But in reality they are divorced and my dad is spending his summer traveling Europe with his new fiancé and her 'lovely' family- note the sarcasm. I could go on a road trip with my mom but I can only take so much of her bickering and stupidity. If she depends on her looks for too long she's not going to have anything to fall back on, I mean she's getting more crow's feet by the day. Disgusting!

"Hey Bebe, why so sad?" Whoa! When did Wendy get here? Oh well. Time to smile and giggle.

I sit up straight and gave her a very convincing, happy greeting, "Hey Wends! I'm not sad at all! Just…" I paused, I need to use the right description, one that will sound Bebe-like, "Thinking about my plans for the summer. You know what parties to go to, who I must hang out with, trips I can go on-"

"How about the RV your mom's renting you?" she cut me off in a polite way, because interrupting people is always the most polite thing to do.

"How did you know about that?" I could of denied it, I mean I don't want her to tell everyone I'm spending my summer in a crammed RV with no one to spend time with.

"Your mom told me the other day when I called. I didn't really ask but you know how your mom gets when she's proud of something-"

"Yeah she brags about it." I scoffed with a roll of my eyes for emphasis.

"The apple doesn't fall from the tree." well how dare she say that! I'm nothing like my mom…okay fine so I might brag about some things but only important stuff.

"It doesn't matter I'm probably not going to use it. I mean what would I do alone in an RV? I'm definitely not spending all summer with my mother." wow now I'm totally exasperated, this is way to much drama for me and the summer hasn't even begun!

I laid down on the table and placed my head on Wendy's lap and she giggled with a roll of her eyes, "Well maybe you could ask your mom if you and some friends could go on a road trip."

"Yeah my mom and my friends, great combo!" I sang sarcastically.

"Just you and your friends." she emphasized and looked down at me with a smirk.

I officially can't hide my excitement. I bolted upright and shrieked with joy, "That's such a super idea!" I hugged my genius of a best friend with some force just so she knows how overly happy I am.

About ten minutes later we got a notebook and now we're currently scanning the schoolyard looking for some fun bus buddies. Honestly you'd be surprised how many people me and Wendy dislike. Imagine having to spend the summer with Heidi, ew, talk about unsanitary. I've seen that girls room and I do not want her trashing MY bus like that. Gross. Red has issues with partying, too much of a goody-goody, not even Wendy is as pathetic as her. Millie never shuts up and always gets 'sick', it's honestly just an attention trick, I would know.

Overall I think me and Wendy just don't get along with other girls very well. "I've crossed every girl off the list…" Wendy heaved a grunt and looked at me upset, "We're out of options."

I didn't reply for a moment then I smirked at her, she quirked a brow which resulted in me grinning widely, "We haven't considered guys."

She didn't smile straight away which makes me think she doesn't like the idea. Wow now I feel like a stupid slut, why would I suggest bringing guys? Oh wait, she's smiling, "That's a great idea! Stan and Kyle are definitely on the list then."

"Anyone you want!" I giggled in response.

"Well you said there were three bunk beds, two on top, two on bottom of each one. That's twelve people right there, plus the single bed is thirteen. Then we need someone to drive, so fourteen people all together. If we go over there's always the couch." Always the knowledgeable one, good thing I have her, I'd probably have way to many people in the car if it weren't for her informative thinking, adding, mathing? That's definitely not a word.

I shook my head and snapped back to reality, "Alright then let's get to counting. Me, you, Kyle, Stan annnnnnnnd-?"

She looked up from the notebook and held the pencil to her chin thoughtfully, "Well I would consider inviting Kenny because he's Stan and Kyle's best friend-"

"And not to mention he's hot and a blast at parties, he'll be a great addition to the on-road family!"

"Well okay but then we have to invite Cartman. He comes in hand with the other boys. I know they act like they hate each other but the four of them are practically stuck like glue- inseparable."

"Ew, they hate Cartman!" I objected. Isn't it obvious that Kyle hates him, I mean they like literally beat the shit out of each other on a weekly basis.

"No, they don't. There is no way we can get the three to spend the summer with us without the other. It's simple, Bebe, all or none."

She stared at me waiting for my response, "Fine, all of them. But if Cartman pisses me off then we drop him off at the nearest gas station!"

We burst into some laughter then to my surprise somebody sneaked up behind me, actually they probably didn't sneak but I didn't see them coming and they hugged my waist, I let out a squeak, "Ah!"

"Hey Bebe!" he lifted me up and spun me around, Clyde is such a sweetheart. CLYDE!

"Clyde!" I yelled and turned around, so we were face to face. He tilted his face and looked at me curiously, probably due to my random outburst, "You can come!"

"Where am I coming?" he asked stupidly.

"In her mouth." was Craig's monotone reply. It's amazing how he can respond to anything with a straight face, whenever I give a burn I always crack a grin or something but he just stays deadpanned. What a skill.

"Shut up, Craig." Token laughed at poor Clyde's misfortune.

He wrapped his arm around me while the others sat down beside Wendy and myself, "No, want to spend the whole summer with me in an RV?" I fluttered my lashes and that was the hook, line and sinker.

"Of course!" he responded faster than a heartbeat.

"Great!" I hugged him again.

"Wait, so your hogging Clyde. What if we want to chill with him?" asked Token.

"How cute, your going to miss your little buddy." Wendy pinched his cheek and he pulled away while everyone chuckled.

"Well you guys can come too!"

Craig turned to Tweek and Tweek looked scared shitless, "Will there be coffee?" Craig turned to me.

"Sure I'll bring a coffee maker. No trip would be complete without Tweek, you guys have to come!" I instantly attached myself to Tweek.

We became very close during high school, him and Butters are my gay best friends! The three beautiful blondes! We all had the same study hall freshman year while the rest of the class was North Park students, so we stuck together. I found myself to get along with them like so well! Then whenever we had the same classes during the rest of high school we sat together.

Tweek jittered from my hug but let out a crooked smile, "A-as long as th-there's - nngh - coffee, I'll go!" he twitched and hugged his thermos.

I nodded, "Okay, so how many people is that Wendy?"

"Me, you, Clyde, Token, Craig, Tweek, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and that's it so far, so ten people." I do not understand how she counts them all in her head, I like need to use my calculator or fingers, or something!

"Cool, so like four more?" she nodded and I went back and scanned the school grounds.

"What about the bitches?" asked Craig, I turned and saw him lighting up a cigarette, which instantly caused me to react by sticking my hand out to receive one. I've grown close to Craig as well and he now shares cancer-sticks with me, that may not seem very close but the truth is that's as close as anyone can get emotionally with Craig.

With the exception of Tweek.

As he handed me the cigarette while I was still looking over possible future bus buddies, I pulled out my lighter, "I really don't like any of them enough to spend the summer with them. That would cause drama galore."

"Drama galore." Wendy echoed in agreement as she wrote some stuff down, I don't know what she could possibly be writing we haven't suggested other people but who knows, maybe she's doing last minute homework.

"Oh wouldn't that be fun." what a dry tone, it always makes me chuckle.

"Extremely." I nodded and dangled the cigarette from my mouth. Cigarette! Christophe!

Clyde pulled me into his lap again, "Why are you smiling? Thinking of me?"

Hopeless romantic. Rather adorable really. I rolled my eyes kindly, "No, no, no, I was thinking of inviting Christophe." Clyde stared stupidly, "You know the kid that smokes ten times more than Craig, practically the human chimney."

Token rolled his eyes in annoyance at Clyde's stupidity, "Dude, he sits beside you in Chem."

"When he actually shows up." corrected Craig. Hmm, he's sitting kind of close to Tweek and Tweek looks a little too comfortable with it. Fishy. Fishy.

"Nngh- the cr-creepy mercenary! Jesus Christ, he c-could kill us inna minute! GAH, that's way to much pressure, man!"

I giggled and hugged Tweek again, "Don't worry I'll be your knight in shining armor and save you. Unless Craig beats me to it." I stared directly at Craig, cockily I may add.

Oh shit! He totally just blushed, "Bebe, stop picking on the fags."

Token such an asshole. I love it! "Well Token I'm sorry but I find yaoi rather hot!"

"I find you rather hot!" Clyde mimed in.

Most girls would probably blush at that but I don't really blush unless I'm embarrassed. That isn't often. "Thank you, darling!" I rolled the 'r' off my tongue in a more seductive tone.

Wendy rolled her eyes, "Get a room!"

"Want to join us?" I asked with a smirk.

She laughed in response, "Oh of course! Right after I add Christophe to the list."

"Do it!" I sat back beside her. I never noticed how fidgety I am, I can't sit still without moving to a new place to sit. That must be annoying to watch…oh well!

"W-what about Butters? Nngh- oh Jesus! Un-unless your mad at him o-or something, I-it was just a suggestion! Sweet Jesus this is way to much pressure!"

Tweek started to reach his hand towards his hair but Craig instantly swatted it away, "Coffee…coffee…coffee…" Tweek repeated quietly under his breath as Craig helped him open his thermos properly. So gay, love it!

"Butters!" I wailed with a giggle.

"Y-yeah, Bebe?" I jumped and almost had a heart attack, I didn't know the boy was right behind me!

"Jeez, way to scare me half to death!" I chortled and examined him as he rubbed his knuckles together nervously and looked around even more nervously. No wonder him and Tweek are friends. "Want to hang out with us all summer?"

I instantly saw his eyes sparkle, "Oh gee fellas, you really mean it?"

"Of course!" I put my arm around him, "Everybody loves Butters!"

"Th-that's me." he responded shyly as the others stared him down. How could he not love being the center of attention? I adore it.

"Okay, so that's-"

"Twelve." answered Wendy before I could even try to compute. I'm not retarded but Mr. Garrison never really taught me the basics of math, only the basics of pointless television.

"Anyone else?" I asked and turned to the rest of them.

Craig looked at me and said, "Oh Queen Bebe doesn't have enough friends to invite on her magical chariot?"

"Don't be a dick." people might take me and Craig's 'arguments' the wrong way but in reality that bonds us, it's like a fun bickering competition.

"How about you hop of my dick, Princess suck-my-balls." everyone roared with laughter except Butters who rubbed his knuckles with a shy grin and Tweek who continued to gulp large doses of coffee.

"I'm sorry, you have balls?" I blinked in fake confussion.

"Maybe not as big as yours." wow, that was a good comeback.

Come on Bebe be smart! Got it! "Your non-existent ones?" always answer with a harsh question, good Bebe, you've won the battle.

"Clever." was his I-can't-think-of-a-smartass-reply-so-I'll-stick-to-a-one-worded-answer, yup, I definitely won this battle. Craig looks a bit pissed but not really.

"Well we can leave with just twelve people and then if we happen to run into anyone of interest on our trip, we can invite them to come along." just imagine if we ran into like some famous celebrity like Taylor Lautner, Bruno Mars, Zac Efron, Rob Pattinson! Oh. My. God. The list of hot celebs could go on for like ever!

I snapped back to reality when I heard Wendy stating some rules and regulations we should follow when proceeding on our journey, "We should all stick together when we go to places, if we get separated then that would delay our trip, which would be bad-" she shot a glare at Craig, "Because our agenda would be ruined and we would possibly have to take out a few trips."

I rolled my eyes, "Don't worry, Wends, we're just going out to party all summer! Craig, Token, and Clyde are gonna get us some fake ID's. Isn't that spectacular?"

I guess that wasn't really a question, I mean I know it's spectacular! But she begins to ramble about us breaking the law and the consequences we could possibly face. "Calm down drama queen, your more paranoid than Tweek." Craig gave a small gesture to the quivering lad. Whoa! I just said lad, way to British for my liking. That reminds me, me and Clyde haven't had a spitting contest with Pip in a while. (Meaning aiming at certain features and spitting at the annoying 'chap')

"That's saying something." added Token due to Craig's comparison of annoyed Wendy and paranoid Tweek.

The bell that ends free period rang and everyone rolled there eyes, not that it was really that bad, we'd just go back to our classes and talk anyways. It's the last day of school, I am not doing any work! "Well me and Wendy have to tell the others about the trip."

"And we have to get started on planning our destinations and pit stops." Wendy added as she jotted down more notes.

"Let's just wing it!" said Clyde happily. He shouldn't of said that though, Wendy is way to organized to just 'wing it'.

She shot him a sharp glare, piercing through the soul. "Wing it? HA! If you want to end up wasting your summer getting lost then you can do it in your own car!" she whipped her hair as she turned to leave and called back, "Come Bebe, we have major planning to do."

I gave everyone a giggle and wave as I trotted behind an overly confident Wendy who was currently strutting down the hall to find Stan and his gang. I'm so excited!

* * *

This is just an AN to inform you guys that this will be one of those stories without a dead set plot, more like mini plots. Just drama galore with plenty of yaoi xD and well I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter.

THE POV WILL BE CHANGING EVERY CHAPTER!

Tell me what you like, tell me what you don't.


	2. Making The Pact

Picture I made of the RV- (type into search bar without any spaces, it wouldn't let me just post the link haha sorry :D )

**Http:/ s468. photobucket .com /albums /rr45 /peace3you /?action =view¤t = RV. j p g**

**Making The Pact**

I'm currently standing with ten other people who will be bunking with me and pissing me off all summer because Stan agreed to Bebe's stupid invitation to spend the whole summer with her and Craig's gang. Not to mention most of our summer will be spent traveling in a crowded RV with disgusting pigs. Kenny hardly washes himself let alone his belongings. Definitely not sharing a bed with that asshole. Cartman will leave food in every spot he can, even crumbs on the bed. Not sharing with him, plus he would probably try and kill me in my sleep. Wendy and Bebe might clean unless they leave their 'lady-items' in the bathroom or something. I don't even want to know how Craig's gangs' sanitary arrangements are.

"Dude. Dude! God, snap out of it!" I blinked in confusion as snapping fingers repeatedly rubbed together and buzzed in my ear.

"Chill, Stan." I pushed his hand away. Waving your hand doesn't get my attention, it just pisses me off and blocks my view.

"Welcome back to reality." he paused and stared at me confused, "Are you like mad about the whole RV trip thing?" Obviously I hadn't even noticed my own glare plastered to my face. I have a right to be mad though. I don't want to spend my summer with bickering girls, our rivals and Cartman. Not my dream vacation.

"No, dude, why would you think that?" I'm very convincing aren't I. Playing it casual.

"You look pissed and your staring at the RV." he moved and looked at the huge truck. It was pretty large if you actually take the whole sight in but I bet it's crammed inside.

Bebe started skipping towards us in your booty shorts and tube top, not gonna lie she's pretty hot, "So, are you guys excited for our first trip out of South Park together?"

"Yeah, a summer away from my family is possibly the best thing to happen to me in forever." Stan said casually, he really shouldn't hate his family that much, they care about him and treat him right. Even though his dad is an embarrassing alcoholic, his mother has horrible mood swings, his Grandpa can't remember his name and his sister abuses him every day. Never mind…

"Same here! My mother is too stupid for even me to deal with." she rolled her eyes and they exchanged kind smiles. She crossed her arms and looked over at the RV, "So everyone's fighting over beds, I'm guessing you two are gonna share one, correct?"

Well duh! Why the fuck would I want to share with any of Craig's assholes? I wouldn't. I definitely wouldn't share with Butters or Kenny considering both would try some form of cuddling, Kenny's being more sexual. Cartman would take up the whole bed and I'm not close to Wendy.

"Depends. Wendy kept nagging about sleeping together to be more intimate without using intimate actions." he sighed. Nowadays it seems like he seriously doesn't want to date Wendy. I notice he doesn't puke around her anymore, though that could have been an unhealthy habit. But he also doesn't give her random compliments, smother her with kisses and I rarely ever catch him staring at her in awe.

"That's cute! I'll probably sleep with Clyde, if you hear moaning block it out." she winked and skipped over to Clyde. I rolled my eyes but could clearly hear her say, "Let's go get a top bunk!"

"Well let's go find our sleeping spots then." I said as I grabbed my suitcase and got on the bus. First reaction, "Dude, this thing is big."

Kenny had managed to snag a bed with Butters and they were both on the bottom bunk. Probably due to Butters having some sort of fear of heights, that's believable. Above them were Clyde and Bebe who were having some sort of tickle fight, Bebe's giggling is really obnoxious. The bed beside them was occupied by Craig and Tweek, they were also on the bottom bunk, Tweek's paranoia explains that well enough. Above them was Wendy sitting by herself, possibly waiting for Stan.

"Get out of my way, Jew!" I could feel my face heat up with anger.

"Fuck off, fatass!" that insult really doesn't apply much anymore, he's actually gained more muscle than fat over the years…but he still eats like a fucking animal.

"Well I want a top bunk!" he spat angrily as he trotted over to the last bunk bed.

"No way, Cartman, you'll end up crushing whoever sleeps under you." said Stan which resulted in everyone laughing at Cartman's dismay. Including me.

"Goddamn fucking hippie…" is all I could hear Cartman mutter as he climbed up the bed.

Before I could blink Wendy was standing in front of us hands behind her back and a fake smile shining at u. We're not taking a fucking picture, can she stop acting so…perfect?

She's not perfect! She is fake, not Bebe fake but personality fake. Bebe may wear pounds of make up and be a little ditzy but at least she knows who she is, she unleashes her true self, a lot. Wendy just pretends and acts like she has some overpowering morals and beliefs then she tries to shove them down others throats. I growl lightly, I must be getting way into my internal thoughts.

I look up and Wendy is giving me an odd look, "You look angry." well how obvious, your being an annoying little bitch!

"No, just…tired." I lied through gritted teeth. I noticed from my peripheral vision that Stan was looking quite upset, I'm probably pissing him off considering I'm starting to act like a whiny bitch. Though I'm not technically complaining, only mentally.

"Well okay…" she shrugged and smiled at Stan, "Let's go, I saved us the top bunk!"

Stan kind of pulled away and said, "Actually Wends-" he paused halfway through his objection.

She cocked a brow, "Wh-what?" No not an expected cute, puppy-dog pout but instead a confused and angry stuttered what. She's not very cute.

"I like the bottom bunk better." he looked down and honestly he looked like he was lying, he was trying to say something else.

"Well okay, we'll sleep under Cartman." she smiled gently.

I chuckled, "I'll pray you don't get crushed, man."

Stan laughed and nodded, "Thanks, dude. But if I don't survive, I want you to do me a favor and smother the bastard."

"You don't have to ask twice."

"Ay! Shut the fuck up, faggots!" retorted Cartman angrily.

We laughed and Bebe joined in, "Maybe the two besties should share a bed, listening to their stand up comedy all night will be enjoyable."

Wendy instantly shot a glare and objected, "No, no, no! He's gonna sleep with me like we planned."

"Get some." Craig chimed in monotonously. Though I find Craig to be a total ass, I still can't help but join in and laugh.

How someone so boring can have such great comebacks surprises me. Him coming on this trip with us confuses me as well. He always tells everyone how much he hates us for that stupid Peru incident in like the fourth grade.

"You can't force the kid to sleep with you." said Bebe. She's starting to become my most favorite person. I laughed and nodded in casual agreement, I don't want anyone to think I like Stan or something. I don't. I like Stan as a best friend and the reason I don't like Wendy is because she's a bitch and I feel my best friend deserves someone better. Simple.

"Well then why don't you let Clyde sleep with his buddy Craig?" Wendy shot back harshly.

Bebe shrugged and leaned onto Clyde's chest, "Craig wants to sleep with his boyfriend."

"OH SWEET JESUS! You have a - nngh - boyfriend?" shouted Tweek, if I didn't know him I'd think he was having a seizure. Jesus, I'm gonna get to see a drunk Tweek this summer, well if Craig lets him drink… Wait! They're dating?

Craig put his arm around Tweek, "She's just being a bitch." he whispered as Tweek ripped at his hair. "Bebe, how could I have a boyfriend? I'm dating your mom."

"Doesn't surprise me." she flipped her hair, "She's desperate and your pathetic."

"You just pulled a yo mama joke on your own mother." said Token as he threw his duffle bag onto the single bed, I'm guessing he didn't want to share a bed with me or Cartman. I can't blame him, I wouldn't sleep with the fatass and I don't know him like that.

"Yo mama is so fat she's starting to look like Cartman." said Kenny as he erupted into his own fit of laughter. Cartman jumped off the top of his bunch and shoved me, that asshole.

"You poor piece of shit, yo mama is so poor she went to McDonalds and put a milkshake on layaway!" not gonna lie, that was pretty funny.

Me and Stan laughed, "What eez zo funny?"

We all directed our attention to the door, with the exception of Craig who was watching Tweek for some odd reason. Well I must say Christophe looks pretty good. Whoa! I did not just say that…

I shook my head to shake my gay thought out of my head and blinked a few times. Blinking gets rid of gay thoughts, yeah that must be some scientific study. I looked up again and Christophe now had a cigarette hanging from his mouth. He extended his hand and Bebe put hers in it (while she was sitting on her top bunk). He kissed it gently and winked, "Bonjour, ma salope."

I burst into laughter and everyone gave me strange stares except Christophe who just smirked in my direction. Stan nudged me and shook his head in confusion. One of those sign language signals that means 'Dude, what the fuck?' but I didn't respond I just smiled at the mercenary, "Good one."

"You speak French?" he blew a huff of smoke.

"Je connais les bases, salope, putain, connasse, etc." I quirked a brow and shot him an all knowing grin. Of course I speak French, my mom put me in like three language courses that I don't need. "I speak French, Spanish, English and Latin."

"Well aren't you a cool kid." said Token and Craig in unison. Which resulted in a fist pound and a chuckle.

Bebe hopped off the bed and hugged Christophe seductively, "Don't fall for the Jew, he's greedy, he'll keep you all to himself." she turned and winked at me.

Peripheral vision is really coming in handy! I noticed Cartman growl, Kenny smirk, Stan bite his lip and sigh… okay why do I have a feeling everyone thinks I'm gay…I'm not.

"Well I waz zinking I would drive." Bebe nodded but turned to the two beds, mine and Cartman's that is.

"Who are you bunking with?" she asked while giving me a suspicious grin. A smirk of all knowing girl gossip. I swear girls have some power to know everything about guys including their own personal thoughts, I seriously want that ability, it would come in handy.

He stared a me for a moment or so then frowned towards fatass, "Well I zee ze fatazz haz taken up ze top bunk wiz 'iz obesity." before Cartman could think of a comeback Frenchy continued, "Zo, eizer I s'are wiz ze Jew or zleep on ze couch. Your choice."

I blushed a bit but prayed nobody could tell, "Well, I don't care either way but you'll be driving won't you?"

"He's not a lackey, we did invite him to be a member of the on road family." said Wendy coldly. I'm gonna put itching powder in her bed or something. Kenny will probably help me pull a few jokes on her.

"Whatever. Frenchy the faggot is here to slam the gas peddle and get us where we need to go. Got that you goddamn French asshole!" said Cartman as he crossed his arms and shot a sharp look at Christophe, the ass thinks he's like some intimidating kick boxer. He so isn't.

Christophe shrugged, "Per'aps, I mean considering 'ow big your ego and gut are, well I wouldn't want ze w'eel getting jammed."

Everyone continued to unpack and settle into their new home for the next three months. We stayed parked in Bebe's driveway for the night and decided to leave in the morning, so we could have a fresh start.

Currently everyone is sitting around the kitchen or living room area, whatever you want to consider it. Clyde was sitting on the end of the couch with Bebe on his lap, then it was Craig, Tweek, Token, Wendy and Stan on the rest of the couch. Christophe was sitting in the driver's seat but turned around so he was facing the rest of the group. Butters and Cartman pulled the single bed over and sat on that as a 'mini couch'. Kenny was sitting on the countertop while I leaned on it beside him.

Everyone is debating on who would win in a slurpee binge drinking competition. "I'd say Cartman but he's too much of a pansy to handle the extreme brain freeze." stated Token cool-ly with a smirk directed at Cartman.

Cartman rolled his eyes, "Well black people can't drink slurpee's, so stick to your Kool Aid."

Token scoffed and Craig flipped Cartman off. I wonder if it's intentional or if he has some form of tourettes? He's probably just pissed or something.

"Alright I'm ending this pointless argument before it turns into a 'race war'." Bebe motioned air quotes and rolled her eyes. Cartman has claimed to have multiple race wars and the white people always win…racist bastard.

"So, I have a little pact." said Kenny out of nowhere.

Everyone directed their attention to the deviant with a sly grin. I know what that smile means and it discourages me so much, seeing Kenny with an I'm-up-to-something smile is not cool. "Speak, shithead." ordered Cartman impatiently.

The orange clad teen cleared his throat and jumped off the table, "Well I'm already aware none of the people on this bus are virgins, correct?"

Nobody objected. Wow…even Butters and Tweek didn't object. Who the hell did they do it with? WHOA! Cartman didn't object either…he must have paid a hooker or something, there is no way in hell a girl, or any human being for that information, would actually want to have sex with him.

"Good." Kenny rubbed his hands together in anticipation which caused Butters to rub his knuckles together in a distressed manner. I raised a brow and crossed my arms, this better be a good proposition. "This is going to be a fun trip. No permanent couples. Just a whole bunch of sexy fun." he winked towards the scared shitless Butters.

"So you mean, it's a free for all. No strings attached to any partner?" Bebe seemed extremely interested, I mean it doesn't surprise me, she's kind of a whore…not in a bad way! I mean I did lose my virginity to her but that was before she became a whore, I was her first too.

"Hell yeah to the mother fucking yes." said Kenny with a straight face, almost like Craig but…not really?

Speaking of Craig he scoffed, "What if we're not interested in anyone on this bus?"

"That won't be a problem for you, Craigalicious, you have blondie." Kenny blinked adorably and licked his lips in delight, he accomplished making Craig uncomfortable and pissed. A mixture I find disturbing.

"Well, I agree." Bebe said with a smile.

Clyde shrugged, "Fine, sounds good."

Everyone except Wendy and Stan nodded and put their hands in a stack on top of one another, you know in agreement to the pact. I even did it though even I agree this is really slutty and distasteful…you only live once right? I guess Wendy isn't thinking like me considering she glared at Stan as he stared at the pile of hands, he looked at his bitchy girlfriend and shrugged, "It'll be fun."

Her jaw dropped when his hand was placed on top of mine on the pancake pile of oddly shaped fingers. She made fist with her hands and stood up abruptly, "Ugh! I can't even look at you right now!" she stomped out of the room and went over to her bed, "Your not sleeping with me tonight!"

Stan rolled his eyes and rubbed his temples, he stood up and prepared to go after her, "Wends…"

"Fuck you, asshole!"

Everyone was trying to contain their chuckles, "Looks like someone isn't getting lucky anytime soon." Token commented like an asshole.

Stan looked at me, "Dude…?"

I nodded in understanding, he's gonna need a bed to bunk on, that's cool, "Sure."

Bebe cleared her throat and when we directed our attention to her, she threw her hand in the air, "To being whores!"

"WHORES!" we echoed in agreement.

Everyone laughed and I noticed Stan giving me a goofy grin. Somehow this horrible idea of a vacation turned into a very, VERY good idea. This will be a fun trip, I can just… feel it.


	3. Day one: Miami Clubbin'

**Day One: Miami Clubbin'**

Man, I scored the jackpot! Now yes when I suggested the idea of a free for all slut trip, I didn't really think anyone would agree with me- with the exception of Bebe, she's just the girl version of me after all. But other than her I didn't think anyone else would vouch for the idea.

Bebe, Bebe, Bebe, I always had a thing for that girl. One, because we have so much in common, just the way we think is the same and two, because she's hot, duh. She'll be easy to get in bed, there is no doubt in my mind that she wouldn't want to experiment with the sex king.

Clyde might even join in. Threesomes are cool, I'm into them especially with Clyde. He might be a little on the husky side but the things I've heard from Bebe sound enticing. I licked my lips as I leaned on the couch. Bebe was on the other side and she grinned at me, "Whatcha thinking' 'bout, horndog?"

I chuckled and shrugged, "Even you'd call me a pervert."

"You are a pervert." she rolled her eyes and giggled as she read one of her teen magazines. Those things are pathetic, they are like TV shows: completely untrue and retarded. Though young girls need something to help them out with their 'hard' lives, I mean I can't imagine juggling boys, make up, hair, clothes, parent issues and best friend fights...that's just plain torture. I rolled my eyes at my own thought, girls are so over dramatic.

"As are you, dumpling." I smirked back.

"Correction, girls are never perverts, they are just sluts." she rolled her eyes, "Don't you just love sexism, guys can look at girls, but when a girl looks at guys. Oh, assumptions, assumptions."

I nodded. Although I do like sexism, it's what gives me the power to be as gross and sexual as I want without getting the harsh stares and even harsher rumors that I would have to put up with if I was a women. They do have the power of seduction though, girls wiggle their tits and shake their asses and men become putty in their hands. I wouldn't mind having that ability.

"Well why let a few comments get ya down?" I paused and sat up to put my arm around her, "Live life to the fullest, baby."

"Oh, I plan to." she kissed me. I bet any guy would be hard in their pants if they were in my situation but I've kissed Bebe before. Sadly I've only gotten to second with the little princess but that will change. I have all summer to ensure it does.

"Oh my god! Christophe! Slow down!" me and Bebe broke apart and looked over at Wendy who was gripping the drivers seat tightly and hollering in Christophe's ear.

He scowled and turned to her, "Sit down, beetch."

"Ugh! You're gonna get us all killed!" she continued to nag. Sometimes Wendy can be such a boner-kill. Like imagine making out with her then she yells at you because your lips are too chapped her something, that right there is a boner-kill.

"Non, ma cheri. Ze only one w'o weell get keelled eez you, eef you don't s'ut up." he hissed angrily in a heavy French accent. Also I'm pretty sure that was an accurate threat and again I can't blame the mercenary, I have urges to kill a lot of the people on this bus on a daily basis.

"Wendy, stop being a backseat driver. You may end up being road kill." I stated as Bebe cuddled up to me.

"Oh jeez! Road kill!" exclaimed Butters as he rubbed his fingers together nervously

"Don't worry, Buttercup. I was joking." I gave him a genuine smile. He's the only one on the bus who deserves actual affection. He's just a cutie pie. I chuckled at my own thought. If I told him that I know for a fact he'd be blushing and stuttering way more than usual. Actually that's why-

Bebe cut off my train of thought, "Moley, where are we going?"

"Miami, beetches!" he exclaimed excitedly. I through my fist in the air and whistled, Bebe mimicked me as well.

"Fuck yeah!" shouted others from the back, it was more like a roar of loud cheers.

The only person who wasn't as excited was Wendy, "To do what? We definitely won't make it their anytime soon."

"We weell make eet by tonight. Clubz all ze way beetch." he smirked as he looked up at the angry brunette.

She rolled her eyes and started to walk towards the back of the bus, "Just so you know calling us 'beetches' is not a sign of affection. It's rather rude."

"Don't worry, Wends, when we get to the clubs we'll avoid the mercenary." said Stan in an almost desperate way to calm down the girl.

Oh and guess what it worked! She smiled, climbed up onto their bunch and hugged him, "Your right, I can't let this French asshole get me down. This is our first good vacation together!"

About eight hours later…

"Are we there yet!" whined Cartman for the millionth and tenth time…

I put the pillow over my head to block out fatboy's annoying moans and objections, "Ferme ta gueule lardass!"

Kyle chuckled as he grabbed a soda from the fridge. Now that I think about it, Kyle and Christophe would be kind of cute together. It would like balance out Kyle's hotheaded temper and nerdiness, you know give him some excitement and possibly let out his anger on something else. While it would give Christophe something to actually care for.

Wow…I sound like a therapist, I have to stop analyzing other people's relationships and work on mine, "Hey, Kyle, what did Christophe just say?" I heard Stan ask.

"He just told him to shut the fuck up and called him a lardass. Nothing creative but when you say insults in French it sounds so much cooler."

"Are we there yet!"

My eyes widened in annoyance and I rolled over, nothing is going to block out his fucking noise. "H-hey, Kenny. Are you feeling okay?"

I looked up and smiled, "Yeah, Buttercup."

"We're 'ere, don't treep on your way out." he glared at Cartman, which Cartman responded by sticking his tongue out at the angry mercenary.

"Wait! Take your fake ID's." said Token as he held a stack of them. I don't know where he got them and I don't care.

Within ten minutes we were in one of the oh-so-popular clubs. The strobe lights were flickering and flashes throughout the room and creating a techno theme. Please God, don't let me die of a seizure tonight!

I opened my eyes, "So far, still alive."

Nobody probably heard me anyways considering the music is blasting on full volume not that I care, this way I don't have to participate in mindless chat with superficial bitches. Small talk really isn't my thing, that's why I tend to wear a hood that muffles my speak. BUT since we're in miami and it's like a billion degrees out, I'm not wearing my hood, I'm wearing a tank top, I do look rather yummy.

I looked around and noticed everyone took off in different directions and I was left standing alone. Well time to go on the prowl, I will get laid tonight.

As I moved through the dancing crowd I noticed a hot blonde waiting for me to pounce on. I creeped up behind them and started to grind, sexily. "Oh jeeze!"

I chuckled, "Hey, Buttercup."

"Wh-what are y-you do-doing, Ken?" he stuttered a bit more than usual.

I whispered in his ear, "Dancing."

I didn't even notice that I had stolen Bebe's dance partner, "Way to hog my hottie!"

I looked up at her but she wasn't mad she was smiling and I could tell she was telepathically telling me to get some. "Sorry but he was just too cute to pass up."

"H-have you been dr-drinking?" he asked nervously.

I put my arm around him and made a confused face, "No. I'm sober right now, this upsets me." I looked down at him and smirked, "Let's go take some shots."

On our way to the punch bowl I noticed Kyle and Stan downing some shots while Wendy watched from the sideline. "What's wrong, Wends, don't wanna take some shots with the guys?"

Wendy smiled at me, her and Bebe were all for me and Butters being a couple. "Someone has to be the mature one."

"As you wish but me and Buttercup are joining in the fun, you should too." I put my free arm around her and she chuckled.

"Fine but if I get wasted nobody better take advantage of me."

"No promises." I wiggled my brow and she punched my arm gently.

Approximately eight shots later I'm standing in the middle of the dance floor shit-faced and as far as I can tell none of my friends are in sight. I can't really see with clear vision considering my shit-faced state. "Buttercup?" yeah I'm so drunk that I'm going up to about every blonde and feeling them up, realizing that all of them have tits, thus they aren't Butters.

Oh yeah not to mention I've had about ten slaps to the face, so far. Maybe more…math isn't my best subject when I'm sober, so yeah…

"Whoa!"

I'm usually not one to complain when people grab me, I tend to like it. Right now, it's different, these assholes are shoving me out of the club through a back door leading to a roach infested alley. Fun.

I stumbled over my foot and landed on the ground…hard, "Well that was a little rough." I mumbled out. As I stood up I noticed them glaring at me with arms crossed and fists clenched, "What did *hic* I do?" I asked confused.

"We've had several complaints-"

"Fifteen girls said you were touching their asses and seven guys." one, that guy totally cut off the other one and two, he clearly wants to fight me.

"So?" I asked mockingly as I pretended to wipe dirt off my clothing but really I think I should have worried more about balancing myself.

"That's sexual assault." the first one answered in a stern tone.

Oooooo someone thinks their a badass because they weigh three hundred pounds more than me! As I was about to speak the second one interrupted, "Plus, I don't take kindly to faggots."

"Homophobia hurts, man." I let my lopsided grin spread across my face as I leaned against the wall beside them, not trying to be intimidating but again more so trying to find my balance, "But I'm not a hundred percent gay, thus I'm not a hundred percent hurt."

Coherent sentences, I'm on a role!

"Real men don't touch other dudes!" said the second one angrily, he stepped forward and held his stance.

I rolled my eyes, being as intoxicated as I am, I think I'm going to be a sly dog and make smartass comments to a guy who could kill me and there are no witnesses in this dark alley. "Well, well, well, Mr. Man." I patted his arm and he tensed quickly. Yes, gayness is contagious!

I rolled my eyes again and bit my lip, "Well you know, once you get bent your stuck like that." I paused and chuckled, "Except me, I must be like rubber or something because I can be ninety degrees or a hundred and eighty degree line." I motioned a line with my hand for emphasis.

"You look more along the lines of an acute angle." said the first one. Well that was nice of him though I think I'm more along the lines of hot, not cute.

"Thank you, I know I'm cute." I put my arm around the first guy and was instantly shoved off by the second, "Well, I didn't know you two were a thing. My bad, my bad."

"We're not obtuse, asshole!"

I looked down at my figure. You know I've been thinking about my alcoholic intake lately, I thought I've been gaining some weight but personally I think I look decent. "Well that hurt my feelings, I thought I was pretty damn skinny."

"Not obese, 'e said obtuse, your bent." I turned to see Christophe lighting a smoke behind me. Go figure a guy named 'the mole' is hiding in a dark alley, sounds like a rapist name now that I consider it. "t'is eez w'y drunk people don't talk math."

"Hey, moley." I greeted but before I could resume my attempt of getting back in, they slammed the door and left me in the dark with the human chimney.

"Want one?" he extended his hand holding the carton of cigarettes.

Now how in the hell could I pass up a free cigarette? I sure as hell can't afford to buy them, so stealing others is my current duty! I snatched one and held it out to him, he lit it without complaint. "So *hic* what are you doing outside?"

"Came out for a smoke." he stated simply, we began to leave the alleyway, "Deedn't zink I would run eento one of you guys."

I stumbled but he caught me, "Well I didn't mean to be a pervert-"

"Yes you deed." he rolled his eyes and we sat on the curb.

"Actually I know you won't believe me but this time it was a mistake." I held my head in my hands, "I was searching for Butters."

He leaned back and huffed a ring of smoke, "Zo you do like ze shy boy."

"Who wouldn't?" I grinned and chuckled, "So do you like-"

"I just found Bebe drowning in a bowl of tequila, we're going." said Wendy impatiently as she struggled to hold a fidgeting Bebe and to add to it she so rudely interrupted my question.

"Dude I'm about ninety-nine percent sure I just saw Edward Cullen." Wendy scoffed at Bebe's drunkness, "No human sparkles like that."

"I think I saw him too." I smirked and with that we went back to the bus with two drunken messes. I told you me and Bebe had way to much in common.


	4. Day two: A Day In Disnah!

**Day Two: Disney World**

I let out a moan and sat up uncomfortably while without even noticing flipping something random off. It's a bad habit. But what's even worse is I somehow managed to fall asleep on the couch when my bunk is only five feet away. I rubbed my eyes in exhaustion and let out another moan.

Fuck. Here comes the hangover.

I looked around and noticed others in awkward positions. Kyle was hanging over a bunk while Stan laid on top of him, mouth open and drooling all over the unconscious Jew. Now if I wasn't so hung-over I would probably question the position, how they got there and why Stan wasn't sleeping with Wendy but yeah…I don't care.

Cartman was sprawled across the floor sunny side up, his fatness must have had a fight with gravity and he just couldn't climb the ladder.

Bebe had vomit on her shirt and was cuddling up to Wendy and Butters, it's a surprise her tits and Wendy's attitude fit in the same bed. Poor Butters probably got dragged into the bed with her, she was probably all over the kid. He's like their personal plush toy.

Token was laying on the single bed like a normal person. That jackass is probably the person who left me on the couch instead of helping me into bed. Shit, I hope I didn't say anything I wasn't supposed to last night. Drunk conversations never end up good for me.

I rolled my eyes and looked in the other direction. Christophe was sleeping on the driver's seat with his legs propped up on the wheel and arms cradling the back of his head, not to forget the cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth. I don't know how he can look so cool when sleeping, I used to think I was badass. Not that I'd let that asshole think he was more awesome than me. I'm awesome.

All of a sudden their was knocking on the door. Nobody moved but a few tossed in their sleep thanks to the disturbance. I ignored it. Until it began again…and again…and again…now everyone was officially up except Cartman who remained lifeless on the floor.

More knocking, "Answer the door damnit!" I said angrily and now officially pissed off, my own yelling just caused an even harder thump in my headache, yay.

Without a second thought Christophe kicked the lever that opened the door while remaining in his sleeping position. He didn't even raise an eyelid. Asshole thinks he's so cool…

"Alright! Who thought it'd be funny to put me on the roof?" Kenny stepped onto the bus with a slight burn. Meaning he was a lobster.

I chuckled, "Dude, we thought you could use some color."

"You guys are asses!" he passed by me angrily and started to head for the bathroom. He rolled his eyes, "Why is Clyde sleeping in the bathtub?"

"He insisted on cleaning himself of the blood sucking maggots from Neptune. I didn't argue." said Token as he let out a yawn. The sad thing is he said that so casually that it didn't even seem out of the ordinary. Not that it really is with Clyde being Clyde and all.

Kenny didn't even supress his chuckle, "Damn it, Clyde."

I got up and tripped over my foot for a minute but easily caught my balance. I walked over to the bathroom and chuckled along with Kenny. Clyde had his arms and legs flailed over the sides of the tub and was currently snoring obnoxiously. "Let's wake him up." I said and without a second to waste I turned the faucet on high beam.

"AHH!" Clyde jumped up instantly when the freezing water touched his skin. Only to end up smacking his head off the faucet and falling back to the hard ceramic surface.

I turned off the water and fist pounded Kenny. What can I say? I love picking on a helpless Clyde.

"You guys are assholes…" he said as he rubbed his newly bruised head. If he's as hung-over as I am, that has to hurt way more than it would any other day.

"Tell us something we don't already know." Kenny smirked and reached his hand outward to help Clyde out of the tub.

"Dude, your burnt." he said with a smile.

"No, I'm naturally bright red. I'm part Crab Person, I thought I told you that before?" Kenny rubbed his chin and Clyde's eyes widened in amazement. I can't lie this kid is the hardest person to piss off, you manage to make him mad for about five minutes before he starts to joke about it himself. It's nice he doesn't hold a grudge but I find it more entertaining when the victim is pissy instead of happy-go-lucky.

"Seriously?" Oh and Clyde is a dumbfuck.

"Dumbfuck." I stated matter-of-factly.

"Can you guys be any louder?" asked Bebe in an almost screaming voice.

"Sorry, Babe, didn't mean to disturb your beauty sle-AH!" Clyde clung to me as Bebe walked in, makeup smeared, hair knotted and bloodshot eyes piercing at us. Now even I normally find Bebe attractive but this…this is scary.

"I think you need to sleep some more." added Kenny not even attempting to hold back his smug ass grin, if I were her I'd slap it off.

She grinned and crossed her arms and examined his burn, "Your lucky you're a hot tamale, literally."

He grinned back, "You suck on hot tamales, right?"

She slapped his arm (Ha, I would of done the same thing) and he yelped like a chihuahua. Bebe smirked with pride as he cowered in defeat, "Burn. Literally." he managed to spit out with a smile. See, he's always happy!

"Has anyone seen Tweek?" I asked suddenly. How the fuck could I forget about him? I mean I know I'm supposed to be a little more subtle and not obsess over him, it's obvious enough I like him but seriously, who let's a spaz out of their sight?

"Under the bed!" said Stan from the other room.

We left the bedroom and without hesitation I practically threw myself to the ground, "What's wrong, Tweekers?"

"Tweekers?" Stan repeated with a chuckle. I turned and flipped the boy off not even bothering to think of some comeback or cover-up. "Why are you under the bed?"

"Nngh! Earthquake!"

I quirked a brow, "What?"

He crawled out and literally attached himself to me, "I w-was -nngh- going to b-bed when out of n-nowhere! Something made -nngh!- a huge ba-bang! It was crazy! Jesus, man…Jesus…" It's obvious he heard Cartman's fat ass fall to the floor- Tweek twitched and I bit my lip to hide the slight smile. Not that it matters, who wouldn't smile at this adorable kid? He's like adorable! Not that I'd ever say that out loud…I'm not Kenny.

"Tweek your so damn adorable but your also such a freak." Kenny ruffled Tweek's hair and I was ready to slap his hand away. Once you touch Tweek's hair he's going to want to touch it! Then once he touches it he's going to rip it out! He'll be bald by the time he reaches thirty.

"Gah! Oh sweet Jesus! I c-can't b-be a freak! Someone will jump me!" he let out a squeal and Bebe giggled. No way, she is not making Tweek her second plush toy. She can have Butters, not Tweek.

"It's okay Tweek, it was just Cartman's fat ass plummeting to the ground." Kyle gestured to the STILL unconscious Cartman.

"So yeah, it was pretty much a manmade earthquake." I said and Kyle chuckled as he got out of bed.

"Are we doing anything important today?" asked Bebe as she combed her hair and everyone dispersed from surrounding Tweek. She looked at me, "Are you gonna let go of him? Last time I checked he isn't your toy," she paused and put her hands on her hip, "Or is he?"

Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch… Alright I'll stop now.

I flipped her off. Okay, so now I'll stop. "Dizney?"

We all looked up, "Disnah?" yeah that would wake up the fat tub of lard.

"What's with all the accents, it's pronounced Disney. Walt Disney is the creator of Disney land. Not Dizney or Disnah." Buzz kill. Wendy rolled her eyes and poured herself a pot of coffee and one for Tweek of course.

"At least we don't sound like stuck up bitches." objected Cartman. He smirked at her.

If I didn't know any better I would have thought she smirked back at him before returning to her usual glare, "You are a stuck up bitch. But if you find the term 'bitch' too girlish then well, you're a dick."

"No that's Craig." said Token as he took the cup of coffee from her hands and chugged it downwards.

She put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes, "Yeah your welcome."

Later that evening…

"DISNEY!" shouted Bebe and Clyde with boasted enthusiasm. The two are starting to share a brain, it scares me. Bebe is the 'center of attention' therefore having two of those will be quite a battle and Clyde is a 'retard' we already have plenty of those.

Anyways we just arrived at the gates of Disney World and well honestly I think it brought out the inner child of everyone, except Token who goes on trips to Disney like monthly. We should've got here earlier but let's just say finding our clothes was hard, someone decided to pull a prank and mix everyone's belongings together and hide them under the mattresses. Yeah, it was Kenny, no surprise there. OH! And then the asshole made us pay for his ticket into the goddamn place! He's nothing but a fucking moocher…he wonders why we put him on the roof?

"Well ladies and assfuckers, I'm off to enjoy the magical experience Disney has to offer." Kenny grinned and spread his arms out as he spun in circles, I'm guessing being the poor kid has left him with no family vacations. I almost feel privileged to see his childish grin but then I remember he just called me an assfucker. He turned and looked at the shy Butters, though Butters looked even more excited than Kenny did, "Care to join me, Buttercup."

"Alright, Stan, so I'm made fun of for calling Tweek, Tweekers, but Kenny can call him Buttercup?" I turned and stared at the asshole.

He wrapped his arm around Wendy randomly and she seemed overly excited. I can't blame her, he doesn't show that girl any affection. I sound very caring right now but the truth is I don't care about her or him, I just want to know if Stan is gay for the Jew, so I can bag on him. He shrugged and kissed Wendy's cheek, she blushed deep red now, man he must seriously be holding out on her, "I guess we all have nicknames for our lovers. Isn't that right, Wends?"

"I do believe so-" she paused and gave him a evil smirk, instantly she pinched his cheek, "Stanny-poo!"

Kyle burst into laughter and Stan glared at him harshly, "I also agree, Stanny-poo."

Kyle went to grab Stan's shoulder, to balance himself out from his laughing fit but once he made a sliver of contact Stan pulled away and held Wendy closer. Kyle's laughing lowered and he rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. Then when they thought no one was watching, I was looking, they exchanged odd faces. Kyle looked confused, angry and a bit hurt while Stan, correction Stanny-poo, looked disgusted and pissed. "Cr-Craig,"

"Yeah?" I answered a bit too anxiously. Stupid Craig…

"GAH! Oh -nngh- I-I mean, wh-what do you want to do?" he asked as he tugged at the hem of his shirt.

I bit my lip, shit I think it's bleeding. Control yourself, Tucker. I shrugged and flipped off a passing costume dude, "Want to go on rides?"

"Sweet Jesus no!" he yelped, "What if they b-break anNNGHd then our c-cart FLINGS off and- Jesus Christ! We'll be dead! That's-"

"Too much pressure, got it." I chuckled and put my arm around his shoulders, I wish I could say that my touch calmed him, it does sort of…but he still shakes and twitches. I'm honestly proud to say I'm the only one that can relax him when he has one of his daily meltdowns. Grab the sides of his head, press his forehead to mine and tell him it will be okay in the normal monotone voice. Works like a charm.

It didn't always though, the first time I did it he head butted me, threw me to the ground and ran home. I let out a random laugh and he looked at me like I was the insane one, "Well considering everyone split, lets go on a personal date."

"Nngh! Oh-okay." He gave me a crooked smile but you could tell it was genuine.

It's so strange hearing him say that, I used to be scared shitless of my sexuality and wouldn't bother thinking about dating Tweek but now it's normal. Normal for us that is. We've been on several dates and we've had some hot make out sessions. Claiming him as mine would be nice but then we agreed to this whole pact thing…I don't have to worry though, no offence to Tweek but I don't think anyone else is interested in him. I guess crazy isn't for everyone, surprisingly it's for me.

"So, what do you think about the whole pact thing?" I asked randomly. I don't think I meant to ask it but I'm curious. I know Tweek probably won't get with anyone else but I just want a definite promise that he won't. Just to be sure.

"It's nngh way to much pressure." he said simply as he took a sip of his thermos.

We were quietly walking together and he probably thought I dropped the subject but I just need to know. I need too. "Do you think your gonna like…hook up with anyone else? Besides me…"

Tweek had a grin on his face when he looked up at me, "Sweet Jesus, y-you'd be jealous." he laughed lightly and I blushed in response. It's not fun when you're the one being teased, plus when people tease me it just reminds me of like a pervert like Kenny who makes snide remarks about everything.

"Well, I mean-"

"Kenny! Stop raping Donald Duck!" Tweek jumped due to the loud and obnoxious screams coming from none other than our friends.

Kenny, Kyle, Token, Cartman, Clyde, Bebe, Wendy, Stan and Butters were pretty much surrounding the mascot people. If I didn't know any better I would of thought they gonna jump 'em. "I'm not, I'm just trying to be original. Who wants another picture of me standing beside some character when you could have me dry humping one? It's a much more creative memory." he crossed his arms and smirked.

Wendy scoffed while Bebe just giggled with a roll of her eyes, "Your gonna get us thrown out."

"Dude, that would be the best face book status." I echoed in as we walked over towards our oh-so-embarrassing posse.

"Nah, it's too similar to my 'I just got kicked out of Fun World' status." Kenny shrugged and Stan laughed.

"Who can resist the play pin?" Clyde chanted and he meant it…

"Yeah even if we are a foot over the height limit and Cartman got stuck in the tunnels." Kenny high fived Stan. They're idiots, I can't say much else.

"AY!"

"Well if your done raping poor characters then lets go enjoy the magic of Disney!" Bebe exclaimed.

With that we all went off to spend a day taking more photos with characters that scared the crap out of Tweek, not to mention he shoved one into a foundation and booked ass across the park. Then we ate crappy fried dough and candy apples, most of which is still stuck to the top of my mouth. Not to mention we waited in hour long lines for thirty second rides and while doing so we got sunburnt. Clyde got sick after the spinning teapot ride. Kenny attacked me with a water bottle, so I'm currently soaking wet but it's kind of refreshing. When it got later and the cool lights started to come on me and Stan had a ninja fight with light up swords- if only Kevin Stoley were here to join in (you know because it's like Star Wars and shit).

Now after a long ass day with some crazy ass people we all spread out to enjoy the fireworks at the Fairytale Castle.

Everyone kind of separated with their partners, or current partners. Wendy with Stan, Kenny with Butters, etc. etc.

I was currently holding Tweek under my arm as we stood in a more secluded area and watched the show. It's really stupid, bad acting, stupid princesses and clique lines but it is a kids show, so I shouldn't complain. I looked down at him and I realized why they call this the most magical place on earth. Nothing can make Tweek's eyes sparkle like that- wow, that was pretty gay. "Guessing you had a good day?"

"The best!" he exclaimed and grinned up at me, "I-I enjoyed it."

"Me too."

I have a feeling the rest of the trip isn't going to run so smoothly for me…there's bound to be drama somewhere. Like Tweek didn't tell me if he liked anyone else on the bus.

If anyone touches him then I guarantee a fight- with me.

But for right now everything's good. I tilted his chin up and kissed him right when the fireworks went off. Oh yeah, be jealous, my life is like a fancy romance novel or perfectly clique Disney movie. We pulled apart and just smiled at each other, no need for making out, a gentle peck was good enough...we'll make out later for sure.

"Oh yeah I slayed you! Who's the prince? Who's the prince? Yeah, that's right, I'm the prince! I'm the prince!"

"Fuck you Clyde! Respect my authoritah."

Way to ruin a moment.

* * *

Yeah, so I realized that was a less humorous chapter and honestly nothing important happened. I guess I wanted more Tweek and Craig character developement but it was a pretty suckish chapter...

Well enjoy this shitty-random-unfunny-no point chapter. :)


	5. Day three: Shop 'til You Drop!

**Day Three: Shop 'til You Drop in Key West!**

Okay all this lovey-dovey, touchy-feely, kissy-kissy stuff is starting to freak me out. I mean I shouldn't be complaining because this is what a real boyfriend should be like. Did I say real? I meant proper, Stan's obviously my real boyfriend!

I slumped on my bunk, Cartman was above me with Butters playing cards. I'm pretty sure that manipulating asshole forced him to play poker, so he could earn some quick cash before we go shopping. I'm kind of excited for Key West but I'm also annoyed. Stan's going to follow me like a lackey, carry my bags, praise me repeatedly- wait? Why am I complaining again?

"Hey, babe, I love you." Stan said as if on cue as he walked over to the group of boys in the kitchen area.

"Wait, why do you randomly tell me you love me?" I asked quizzically. Yeah, I'm probably sending him some mixed messages but he's confusing me! Last week he was showing signs that he wasn't interested or even remotely attracted to me anymore, now all of a sudden he's head-over-heels in love again! Makes no sense.

He opened the fridge and looked over at me, "Because I do."

"But you never just tell me you love me."

Craig listened in and quirked a brow but Stan didn't notice, he just shrugged, "Stop interrogating me, it's not a crime to say you love your girlfriend." he grinned stupidly and walked over to Craig and his gang.

That's another thing he doesn't refer to me as 'Wends' or even 'Wendy' anymore he keeps saying 'my girlfriend' like I'm not human enough to have a real name!

"Hey, Wendy, having boy troubles?" questioned Cartman as he hung from the top of the bunk. I didn't even notice he wasn't sitting with Butters anymore, actually I'm surprised I didn't notice that Bebe managed to convince Butters to let her play with his hair. I think she's even putting make up on the boy- that's going to turn Kenny on big time. "Are you gonna answer me, hoe?"

I shook myself out of my gaze and returned my attention to the jerk in front of me, "Don't call me that!"

"I'm just trying to start a conversation but your being a rude bitch and won't answer me." he said casually. Then before I could register what he was doing, he was sitting on my bed with me.

I crossed my arms and shot him a glare, "Don't try helping me with my problems, you have plenty of problems of your own!"

"Is 'don't' the only word you know? Seriouslah, I'm trying to be sincere and care about your gay ass problems but your just continuing to be your usual bitchy self." I growled and he just leaned back and gave me a smirk.

"Don't-" I stopped, I'm not a negative person. "I mean… I don't-" I stopped again and grunted, "Cartman I'm not letting you help me with my issues because I do not have any."

He quirked a brow and rubbed his chin, he's such an obnoxious asshole! "I don't believe you."

"Well you seriously should." I spat angrily.

"Seriouslah?"

"Cartman, fuck off." Stan said as he sat beside me and hugged me closer to him, I didn't respond much to the action, "Don't piss off my girlfriend."

"Your girlfriend has a name. I thought I was the sexist bastard?" he shrugged and got off my bed.

"Well that was a great weight lifted off your poor mattress." Stan chuckled at his own joke and kissed my forehead. I instantly shoved him. Cartman was right, Stan is showing me off like some prize, I'm a women not a trophy!

"Stan, I do have a name." I stated sternly.

"I know, Wendy. It's a beautiful name but I just want everyone to know that you are my girlfriend." he smiled charmingly and leaned in for a kissed which I leaned away from repulsed.

"Well everyone already knows, get over yourself!" I rolled my eyes angrily and got off the bed. I don't have to pee or anything but I stormed to the bathroom and shut the door with a bang. That must've got my point across.

"Nice going, assfucker." I heard Kenny state from inside the bathroom and I can already picture his stupid smug grin to go along with it.

After about two minutes of glaring at my reflection I heard Christophe announce our arrival, "'ere we are."

I opened the bathroom door and didn't make any eye contact or any direct contact with Stan at all. As I passed by I did notice Kenny and Craig give Stan that same look that telepathically said, 'You fucked up.'

As we got on the bus Kenny fell face plant to the ground, "Walk much, dumbfuck?" Kyle asked with a smug ass grin. Why are guys such assholes?

Kenny jumped up and wiped dust off his shirt, "Shut up, I totally went Kung Fu on the ground." Wow Kenny! What a smart comeback! Note the sarcasm.

"The way I see it, gravity knocked you out." Kyle responded still grinning stupidly. When someone falls and hurts themselves it's not funny!

"We win some, we lose some."

Within a millisecond everyone split up, well more than we did yesterday. Bebe instantly interlocked her hands with Butters and Clyde and Kenny trotted behind like two obedient dogs. Craig looked at Tweek and Token and gestured towards a coffee shop, Tweek obviously didn't object. Kyle and Christophe just disappeared, that's kind of suspicious maybe Kyle likes-

"So, which group are you joining for the day? Want to tag along with the douche and spaz like the black asshole or do you want to join Bebe's obnoxious parade of 'cuteness'? Your choice." I jumped a little at first because I didn't notice Cartman walk up beside me but for some reason I didn't tell him to go fuck himself.

"What about Kyle and Christophe, I could join them." I stated. For some reason I feel like any conversation with Cartman has to be some argument or debate.

"The Jew and the French kid? Something tells me they don't want you tagging along."

"Ugh, are you suggesting that I'm bad company?" I shot daggers at him but he didn't glare back he just shrugged like some laidback surfer kid, too bad he doesn't have the surfer body…that would be nice. Whoa, talk about girl hormones taking over!

"I'm standing with you aren't I?"

"Yeah but-"

"So I must enjoy your company. Even if you are a dumb hoe." he started walking towards Bebe's group, like he knew I was going to choose them.

I didn't follow instantly but I couldn't fight it, I trotted up beside him and actually walked with him, "Why aren't you walking with one or your actual friends."

"One of my 'actual' friends is currently following his girlfriend but she's ignoring him leaving him feeling like an abandoned puppy." he glanced behind him and I did the same. Stan was practically staring me down, he looked hurt but for some odd reason I just didn't care.

"Whatever."

"Harsh."

"Like you should be talking!" I instantly went into defense mode. He has no right to make me feel bad about fighting with Stan! Actually he kind of caused this fight because he pointed out the fact that Stan didn't call me by my name. "You're the reason we're fighting, jerk off!"

"Maybe I'm trying to break you up." I looked at him in complete shock, I couldn't think of any verbal response, so I just stood their gaping at him like I was in some trance. He just winked and continued to walk as I was glued to my current spot. Like some fucking statue.

"Hey, Wendy, I just want to forget this fight!" Stan said shyly as he walked up to me, "I didn't mean to repeatedly call you my girlfriend, I just don't see how it's a big deal?"

Honestly I don't think I was even registering what Stan was talking about, it was just a jumble of words. Is he even making coherent sentences? I shook out of my lifeless gaze and before I could respond Bebe shouted, "Oh my fucking god! Wendy, come look at these dresses, sooooooo cute!"

"Sooooo not." I turned and noticed Craig's little trio was reunited with us. Why am I so out of it today? Get back in the game, Wendy!

Bebe dragged me over to a little Shoppe and started holding flowery dresses up to me, "You'd look so good in this one!"

Normally I would be giggling and jumping in joy but I can't think about shopping, I have serious boy drama! Stan is being a sexist jerk that won't treat me with equal respect and Cartman just came on to me! I'm having a mental breakdown!

"Bebe, forget the dresses-"

"Ah! Don't ever deny the dresses!" she fake gasped and giggled.

"Bebe, I have like boy trouble." I whispered.

"Maybe I can help?" Kenny put his arm around me.

"Yeah 'cause you've been in tons of stable relationships." I scoffed.

"Chill, babe. What's up?" Bebe said calmly as she rested a hand on my shoulder and gave me a reassuring smile.

"Bebe! The Mexican fishermen I was talking about!" shouted Clyde as he jumped up and down like a two year old and waved frantically at some decked out fishermen.

I rolled my eyes, "Anyways- Bebe!"

"Ah!" yup I lost her. It scares me how stupid she can be. I guess we kind of balance each other out and all but I want someone to listen to me. I grunted but nobody cared. Stan was talking to Craig as they looked at some shells. Token and Tweek were laughing about some stupid graphic tee-shirts. Clyde and Bebe were chasing some Mexican fishermen. Kenny was flirting obsessively with Butters. And there's no sign of Kyle and Christophe.

Without a second thought I just walked down the street leaving everyone alone. Eventually I'll meet up with them again but right now I need to think. I entered a little café and sat down by myself.

Okay time to process all the information. Not just about me but about everyone. I know there's this whole pact and stuff but for some reason I feel like it's going to backfire, everyone's already claimed their 'summer sweetheart' and I feel like nobody besides Bebe and Kenny would be willing to ruin the summer romance. Then again Bebe and Clyde are pretty tight and Kenny has a serious addiction to Butters.

I leaned on my palm and continued to read the menu, "Can I get ya any-thang?" asked the southern waitress.

"I'll have a salad, no dressing."

"Well I was gonna pop in and say 'make that two' but I'd prefer a bacon cheeseburger with everything on it." Cartman pulled out the seat and sat on in, as if I welcomed him to join me.

The lady didn't think twice and wrote down the order, "Comin' right up!"

"Your not fat. You can eat more than a pathetic salad. Or at least add some fucking dressing." He tied the napkin around his neck like a bib.

"I kind of want to be alone." I said bitterly.

"To mope?" he repeated with a bored expression, "Your starting to get pathetic."

"Your starting to piss me off!" I crossed my arms and sat up confidently in my chair.

"Let's skip the fight. Just talk to me, I'm obviously the only one willing to listen to you bitch about your problems." he grinned, put his elbow on the table and rested his chin on his palm, "Go on, speak, slut."

I grinded my teeth for a minute but I really want to talk to someone. I know he isn't the best person for advice and he definitely isn't the best listener but I think I'm desperate for some attention. Not Bebe attention but like one on one attention. "Promise to keep everything I say between us?" I asked gently, almost whispering.

Without hesitation, "Yeah sure, now start talking."

"I know your lying but I really am so confused. I mean you've been friends with Stan for like ever, longer than I've been dating him, so like why is he so confusing?" I moaned and laid my head on my arms.

"How is he confusing? I mean I know he's an ass but he's pretty simple."

"Well then how come up until today he's been ignoring me and losing interest. Day by day I watch him grow further apart from me but then all of a sudden he loves me more than anything else? It's uncharacteristic."

The waitress put my salad down in front of me and Cartman's sandwich. He nodded at me and waited for her to leave, "Well, Stan is a faggot. An in denial, closeted faggot. But he wants to keep that a secret, so he's using you as his cover."

"He's using me?" I muttered. I shouldn't believe Cartman but…but…I'm so angry! My hands clenched into fists and I stood up abruptly, "That asshole!"

Everyone stared at me and Cartman just smiled, "You can say that again."

"I'm not some toy of his affection! I'm a person with feelings, I don't want them to be crushed because he wants to play a stupid game." I stormed out of the restaurant and Cartman followed closely behind. "It's Kyle isn't it?"

"That would be my first guess but I haven't collected all the evidence and-"

"That stupid Jew! I knew it was him, he's a man-stealer, a boyfriend-taker, a homewrecking whore!" I cut him off abruptly and I was gaining the attention of many bystanders, all of which thought my outburst was rather entertaining.

"Whoa, calm down!" Cartman said with a snide chuckle.

"No! Don't ever piss off a hormonal girl!" I paused and started to scan the streets for that stupid boyfriend of mine, soon to be ex. "Especially a teenage girl!"

"Well it's definitely someone's time of the month." Cartman rolled his eyes as he struggled to keep up with my pace.

"Fuck off!" can't even think of a comeback. "I'm breaking up with that fucking faggot."

He grabbed my wrist, "Don't go punching Stan yet. You can't just call him out, I mean I can because nobody takes it seriously but if you say it your just gonna cause drama."

"Isn't that entertaining for you?" Again, Cartman has absolutely no control over my personal decisions and he has no right to think his plans of working situations out are better than mine. Mine are well thought out, his are just feeble and inadequate!

"Hey I might be pretty cruel but I have to live on that bus and I don't want to hear Stan's faggy whining all day and night."

"So what do I do?" I crossed my arms again and glared at him.

"Forget about it, we all made a pact remember. Have fun, flirt with Stan but don't let him hold you back." Cartman winked again and my stomach fluttered. I think I feel sick. Maybe the salad was bad…can salad even be bad?

"I can't just relax and pretend I'm not upset."

"Well maybe you'll have a realilization that your being a buzz kill. Nobody wants to talk to a sissy that can't stop complaining about pointless shit. So shut up already."

"I'm not a sissy." I poked his chest harshly, trying to set my point in stone. Without even noticing I stepped extremely close to him, probably my own subliminal way to be intimidating.

"Really? Then be daring, bold, adventurous. Don't be whiny, moany and boring." he stepped closer than we already were and nudged my chin gently, "Don't let your boyfriend control the amount of fun you have on this trip... I'm seriouslah."

"Wendy! Cartman!" Token shouted as the rest of the group approached us, "Let's go to the bonfire!"

"Bonfire?" I repeated confused and uncomfortable. Cartman had stepped away from me and looked just as confused as me.

"Yeah, let's go!" said Clyde in anticipation.

The sky grew darker by the minute and we've spent a great deal of our time at this small bonfire. I enjoyed it though, we've just been goofing around and playing truth or dare. Childish? Yes. Fun? Yes! "So Wendy truth or dare?" asked Craig as he leaned back into the soft sand.

I thought for a moment, "Truth."

"Boring!" everyone echoed and Kenny through a plastic cup at me.

I just chuckled. Cartman was right, just have fun. Wow never thought I'd say Cartman was right. "I'm all out of idea's for truths…" Craig moaned.

"D-do a dare!" Butters smiled brightly.

I shrugged, "Fine, dare."

"Alrighty…I'm gonna give you the most fucked up dare I can think of." Clyde rubbed his chin

"Bring it, pretty boy." I leaned foreword with a proud grin.

"Swap spit with Cartman." said Kenny out of nowhere.

"Dude!" shouted Stan and he put his arm around me protectively. I couldn't help but nudge it off.

"That's a good one. Pretty sick." said Craig and he gestured to Cartman. Cartman didn't even look at him or yell in anger at the direct insult, he just looked at me.

"Okay." I said and turned to Cartman, before he could respond I grabbed him and pulled him into a fierce kiss. I mean it, it was fierce! Our teeth clashed together, lips possibly bruising from the force, eventually our tongues wrestled for dominance and we threw each other apart for breath.

As we panted everyone just stared at us, "Well that- was…interesting." Kenny and Bebe gave each other weird looks.

"Just being daring. Having fun."

Since when is kissing Cartman fun? hmm...

* * *

Come on give me some reviews Uncle Fuckers! Respect my authoritah and do as I say or-or I'll kick you in the nuts! xD


	6. Day Four: Pit Stop Then to New York

**Day Four: Pit Stop Then to New York!**

I pressed on the gas a little more, I could feel Wendy's piercing glare on me. She hates how I drive but you can't consider it driving if your not going at least eighty miles an hour. Currently I'm pushing eighty-five. I know how to drive she just needs to get over her high-class snob attitude.

I stuck my cigarette out the window and tapped it to get the excess ash off. "I'm still mad about those god damn Mexican fishermen." Bebe mutterd angrily as she flicked through channels on the TV.

Clyde nodded and pulled a crappy cold pizza out of the microwave, "Tell me about it, they don't even know how to make proper tacos! What Mexican can't make tacos?" he shoved the digusting and possibly rock hard piece of shit in his mouth. How do American's consume that junk?

"Where to?" I glanced in my mirror and felt a sliver of a smirk form on my face. Yes I'm smiling at one of those disgusting Americans.

I'm preferably interested in one certain redheaded, impulsive, short-tempered, generally short, skinny, overbearing, Jew. That certain boy is currently leaning on my seat and smiling down at me, "New York, mon cher."

"Well, mon cher, you better floor it. The bus can only be so fun." he said sarcastically but with a genuine smile. It appears he is very genuine, too bad he's more confused than even Gregory was.

"W'at ze faggot eezn't entertaining you?" I asked referring to his super best friend. Also considered a homo, an in denial one at that. Thanks to him, my new interest is a bowl of confusion. He's a mess. I understand your first homosexual experience can be overwhelming but it doesn't help when your partner ignores your entire existence after the event.

"Very funny." he said with a roll of his eyes. "Can we stop somewhere to get some food? I'm starving and Clyde's being a fatass and eating everything."

"Hey, I'm not fat!" shouted Clyde as he shoved one of his pizza's into his mouth.

"That's debatable." I heard the monotone dickwad shout from his bunk. Him and the blonde coffee-addicted spaz have been spooning all morning. I bet if I questioned him on it, he'd deny his sexuality as well. Nobody on this bus comes to term with the fact that they're all gay-wads.

I looked down at the meter, "We need to stop for gaz."

"Oh yeah a gas station meal." he looked down at me with that tired expression and irritated tone, "Delicious."

"Not az delicious az my sexy Juive strawberry." I wiggled my brows seductively in the mirror. That did it, he's blushing so red that he actually does appear to be a strawberry. More nervous than sexy but still rather cute.

"Rest stop?" the obnoxious blonde bimbo screeched. I didn't know anyone could be more high pitched than Damien was as a kid…oh how I was wrong.

"Yezz." I grumbled and Kyle chuckled at my annoyance.

She giggled, "Oh yay! I'm so sick of sitting on my lazy ass!"

"Your excited to go to a gas station?" Token asked with a raised brow.

"She's a slut. Slut's go to gas stations for quickies." said Cartman rudely.

Wendy slapped his arm as she walked by his bed. "Don't listen to them."

"Maybe that's what I want to do." she gave Clyde a seductive look as she bit her lip. I find her repulsing, nothing but trash…Clyde thinks differently. He's practically drooling as he stares at her thinking his dirty thoughts. "Well there is no privacy on the bus, that's all I'm saying."

Though I mentally insult the girl I do not entirely despise her existence. No that extreme hatred is aimed at someone else entirely. Overall I just find her annoying but sometimes, during one of our rare conversations, she's calm, down-to-earth and actually takes part in a sophisticated conversation. Normally I skip class to go on one of my missions and tend to run into her as well, normally she skips class as well. That's about the only time me and Bebe actually talk to one another. When she's not playing Miss. Barbie.

She flipped her hair and put her arm around Kyle, "I've hardly talked to you either!"

I didn't even notice my grip tighten on the wheel and I sure as hell didn't notice the burning glare I was giving her through the mirror. Why I became so angry and possessive, I really don't know. I'm not one to develop feelings, they just interfere with my job. A job I'm still currently working on! I should've finished it at Disney but that asshole got away, now I have absolutely no time for emotions.

"Well someone's deep in thought." said Wendy as she stared at me.

"Whatcha thinking 'bout, darling." asked Bebe as she caressed my cheek.

I pulled away at the touch and coughed slightly to clear my throat, "Classified information, ma salope."

"Well your just so damn mysterious, aren't ya?" she asked as her southern accent started slipping out. Not to mention her arm still secured around Kyle.

"W'ere 'ere." I said still annoyed by her touching him so bluntly. Yes, she still has her arm around him. I gritted my teeth as I pulled to a stop at some sketchy ass gas station.

Fine, maybe I should come to terms with the fact that I don't own the redhead and I can't force others to back off. Well actually I could easily take Kyle under my arm, nobody messes with a professional mercenary with a shovel. It's just not a wise idea to go picking a fight with someone who's committed murder, been killed and revived. Ah, my horrible memories of hell. Though my quick fling with Damien wasn't something to complain about.

I'm zoning out again...

"Look there's a convienence store, let's go buy some snacks and junk." said Token being the only smart one on the bus.

Everyone followed him except for me who waited for one of the men to fill the gas up. "Do you want anything?" I looked up surprised that Kyle was still here.

I shrugged and grinned, "Ze only zing I want iz you."

He blushed deep red again, possibly redder than before, "I meant like a drink or something." he stared at the ground as he attempted to hide his bright blush.

I leaned back on my chair with an evil smirk, "Can't I suck you?"

His head snapped upwards, his eyes ten times wider than normal and his jaw dropped, "U-uh I-I,"

"No need to ztutter, mon cher, eet waz zimply a question." I held my smirk. This is mental cruelty at it's finest. Insulting people with harsh words just doesn't fuck with them the way you want it to. Not that my main goal is to fuck with Kyle- fucking him is completely different, though. Point being I enjoy making him uncomfortable, it's a sick pleasure.

"All set!" called the gas man. I shot him a glare and threw my money at him.

"Keep ze change." I then proceeded to park my car considering nobody was out of the crappy store- who takes so long to buy cheap snacks, damn Americans and their obesity. Anyways it's time to keep playing with the nervous Jew, "Zo do you still like ze ozer boy?"

"He won't even talk to me. He hasn't talked to me since what happened." he rolled his eyes with anger, actually more of a pure rage, "He's just so- AGH!"

I stared at him blankly, "Maybe you should make 'eem jealous."

"How so?" he asked now curious.

We got off the bus and made our way to the store, "'e 'as ze uptight beetch to make you jealous. W'y not uze ozers to make ze boy jealous. Flirt like zome Jerzey S'ore douche bag."

He laughed at me and rolled his eyes, "Well that should be easy considering I am a Jersey Shore douche bag." I quirked a brow, "I'm from Jersey."

I laughed with him, "Zat explainz ze temper."

He punched my arm lightly as we both entered the store to notice our 'friends' running around obnoxiously. Not much of a surprize really.

The spaz and monotone boy were carrying boxes of coffee flavors to the checkout, until the spaz had one of his odd twitches- the result being a floor covered with scattered coffee packets. The black kid and lardass were throwing a plastic football in the back of the store. The uptight hoe was yelling at them to put it down while she help blondie bring ten bags of chips to the cashier, clearly someone was at that time of the month. Kenny and the dumbass were nowhere to be seen. Stan was staring at Kyle as he entered but quickly started helping Butters get something off a top shelf.

Kyle seemed to be staring at the fat boy. He rolled his eyes, "Cartman would be playing catch in a store."

"Clearly." I nodded, I noticed Stan staring again which caused me to inwardly grin. "You go buy me zome more cigarettes while I go outside and zmoke my last one." he nodded but before he could move I grabbed his wrist and kissed him on the cheek gently, "Zank you, mon cher."

He stared at me blushing but smiled, "No problem!"

He walked over to the cashier still love dazed and I simply smirked at the angry emo boy. To be truthful I still have a full carton of cigarettes but I just had to make the other boy jealous- come on! He fucked with Kyle. I left the store and noticed the other dickwad was out smoking his cigarettes too. He glanced at me but redirected his attention forward, he hardly gave me a second thought but he spoke, "You and Kyle. Cute."

It was hard to tell if he was serious or being sarcastic. I shrugged, "'elping 'im out."

I lit my cancer stick and instantly took a long drag. He let out his smoke but didn't look at me, "Seems like more than a favor."

We were both quiet for a moment, "Per'aps I waz claiming w'at's mine." I took another drag and smiled, "Are you going to claim ze spaz zoon?"

He shot me daggers, "What?"

His tone changed drastically. It went from being monotone and bored to pissed and stern. "Zo do you not like 'im?"

"That's none of your business." he spat harshly.

"Well eef you don't want 'im, ee'll be 'appy to take 'im off your 'ands." I let out a smug smirk and threw my dried out stick to the ground. "We did make a fun little pact after all. Deedn't we, bâtard?"

He gritted his teeth and I left without another word. If he really wants that annoying blonde then he better say something because in honesty he's rather cute- not as cute as I fine Kyle to be, but still cute none the less. Someone might end up snatching him up.

As I was about to enter the bus, Stan shoved me and shot a rage filled glare. I just smiled smugly.

Until I stepped onto the bus to hear the most awkward question…

"Why do you have so many condoms?" Wendy asked with a quirk of her brow, though she seemed more angry than curious, "Did you seriously buy condoms from a cheap gas stop?"

"They're flavored. I'm only thinking in everyone's favor!" Kenny gave her his signature perverted grin. I gave an interested scoff and slanted smile, nothing of admiration, pure amusement.

"Clyde that's disgusting! Those have icky germs on them, ew!" Bebe gagged.

"But…but this one is chocolate flavored. Don't you like chocolate?" he asked stupidly as he held a pile of scented wiener wrappers in his shirt.

"You guys, I thought you would appreciate our thoughts on protection. We don't want any pregnancies or STD's going around." Kenny winked at Bebe. She rolled her eyes and started putting her bags of chips away.

Kenny dropped his pile in the middle of the floor and started rolling around in them like it was money. To him it was probably even better. "Kenny! Get up!" shouted Wendy annoyed.

"Don't ruin my fun!" he spat back as he continued to roll around.

"Dude, you wasted at least fifty bucks on all of them." said Token as he rubbed the back of his head. He must be a bit uncomfortable with the fact his friend is rolling in a mound of condoms. Doesn't seem to abnormal for Kenny?

"Well we need them all, for the orgy party, duh!" Kenny winked at the African.

Tweek jumped as he saw all the condons, "Oh Jesus! I-I can't handle an -nngh- o-orgy party!"

I noticed Craig get on the bus and my initial reaction was to put my arm around the scared shitless blonde, "W'at a s'ame, I would be delighted to 'ave an orgy party wiz you."

Tweek looked up at me possibly more scared than he was originally. I mean I am a grungy mercenary with my arm around him.

Craig's face turned red with angry and he pulled Tweek into his arms, "Don't listen to him, Tweek, he's just a French piece of shit."

Tweek just looked at me frightened but smiled back at Craig, "T-told you you'd be -nngh- jealous…"

Hmm, I should analyze my situation. Craig and Stan both hate my guts because I'm interested in both their 'lovers'. Tweek is still scared shitless of me. Kyle is obviously interested in me, especially after I kissed his cheek. I have a feeling this is going to be one hell of a summer.

"Stop Kenny, condoms aren't meant for flinging!" Bebe grinned and opened one of the packs. "They're meant for blowing."

Kenny laughed hysterically as she blew up the rubber penis coat. "Stop, Bebe, your probably turning everyone on." added Wendy while she attempted to hold back her laughter. It was a pathetic attempt because she burst into hysteria along with Kenny.

"Let's have a contest!" said Cartman, "Who can blow the biggest condom."

Wendy laughed more, "Ew!"

"Your first, hoe." he handed her a pack and she shot him a glare but smiled as she did so.

She snatched the condom and within moments everyone was blowing up their own personal condom. "I think mines broken! This is gay, I bet the Jew put a hole in mine or something!" whined Cartman obnoxiously.

"Fuck off, Cartman!" Kyle chimed in but continued to laugh as he blew faster. I'm surprised I'm not turned on yet.

"Aw-aww mine popped." whined Stan.

"Shit, Stan won." said Kenny and he laughed, "He made the balloon penis pop." he winked at Butters.

Butters rubbed his knuckles nervously, "Well golly-gee I-I don't get it. Why did S-Stan win?"

"Well because he's the biggest fag on the bus." said Cartman, "I'm surprised he beat Kenny."

Bebe put her arm on the innocent boys back, "Kenny's just being perverted. He's saying Stan blew so hard that it made the condom pop, also referring to the fact that he made the condom cum."

"Oh my!" I chuckled at the blonde's innocence. How he fits in with this group of people leaves me confused.

"Well let's start round two!" shouted Clyde eagerly, I don't believe I've ever had the...priveledge... to meet someone as stupid as that boy.

Well Clyde's stupidity aside, the night ended with everyone blowing up the scented condoms like balloons- this is one interesting group of people.

* * *

I didn't do Christophe's accent unless he was speaking, I hope that's okay xD I mean we don't want a whole chapter of errors!

Wow this was a REALLY short chapter :/ sorry guys!


	7. Day Five: Who's Paying?

**Day Five: "Who's Paying?"**

I twitched nervously as I sat on the couch with Bebe and Butters. It's not that I'm nervous of them, they're really nice! Unless they're undercover assassins…NO! Stop thinking like that Tweek, Christophe is the killer- must avoid him!

I bit my lip to suppress one of my yelps, no need for the unnecessary attention. I gripped my thermos tighter until my hands drained in color. Oh Jesus, I'm losing circulation! I need Craig…god damnit he needs to hurry up! Why couldn't he just hold his bladdar? Oh Jesus then it would explode!

"Well, Tweeky-bear, do you want me to comb your hair?" Bebe asked with an overly sugary-sweet tone and a candy-coated grin to match. She tends to use baby voices when she's with me and Butters, like if she were to talk normal we would go into seizure mode and run away.

I guess she's taking good precautions…

"Nngh- no thanks, Bebe." I gave her a crooked grin. Bebe's one of the few people on the bus that doesn't scare the shit out of me. I used to think she was one of the Queen Bees and would stomp on me if I dropped my books in front of her in the hallway but now I know she helps me pick up my messes! Man, she's really nice.

"Oh geez…it looks awfully nice, Bebe, th-thank you." Butters said as he gazed at himself in her compact mirror. His hair had several barrettes and pins in it, plus it was combed to perfection.

I like Butters too, we've been friends since freshman year. Well we never weren't friends before that but we got close over freshman year. It became very apparent that we we're gay. I still worry about people from the Ku Klux Klan coming after us and Token too! Oh sweet Jesus I'd hyperventilate if they hurt Token- he's one of my best friends! I don't really want to be attacked either…this is way too much pressure!

I snapped back to reality when Bebe said, "Tweeky, baby, you need to stop zoning out."

I grabbed my hair, "Oh man, daydreaming is going to get me killed!"

She grabbed my hand and interlocked it in hers, my eyes widened at the contact, "Don't pull your hair, let me play with it!"

She looked ready to attack my head! I jumped back and leaned on the couch, without thinking about it I attached myself to the nearest person. Sadly that person was Cartman, "Ay! Bebe stop being a hair tease."

"That doesn't even make sense!" she spat back and crossed her arms like a child who didn't get her way.

"You're teasing their hair, aren't you?" He asked harshly as he munched on cheesie-poofs.

Clyde yelled from wherever he was, "It's not nice to tease, hair has feelings too!"

I scooted away from Cartman and he looked over, past me, at Butters. "Goddamnit, you made him look like a fag!"

"I-I am a fag?" said Butters innocently as he started rubbing his knuckles. Once his hands started fidgeting I started tugging at the hem of my shirt. I think our actions our connected in a way, that can't be good!

Maybe aliens surgically made our brainwaves synched when they gassed us with space drugs- they could have molested us? Or made clones of us with our blood, they could of taken samples of our DNA and now I have an evil clone walking the earth! Then he's going to get into illegal trouble and be sent to prison- no, even worse, he's sentenced to death! But instead of killing him they kill me because we're clones! Then the government-

"Conspiracies…" I muttered without even realizing it. I got up and moved over to an empty bottom bunk. I squeezed my eyes shut as my thoughts flowed from one bad thing to another.

"Whatever your thinking is completely irrational and would never happen." I froze at the voice and cautiously lifted one of my lids. Craig.

I sighed exasperated by all the commotion and my internal thoughts- maybe I really should see a therapist. Oh no! That's spelt 'the rapist', "Craig, I don't want to be raped."

"I don't promise anything." he winked at me but I know him…he would never hurt me. He put his arm around me protectively.

I smiled nervously but before I could reply Cartman spoke, "Butters, take out the damn clips and mess up your hair!"

"No! I worked really hard on that style! It's very Butter-esque, I know that for a fact because I'm gonna be a beautician one day." Bebe pulled on Butters arm and held him close.

Cartman grabbed his other arm and pulled him- Jesus, they might rip him apart, "Bebe, respect my goddamn authoritah! Women don't become beauticians they stay at home and make sammichs when their husbands are hungry!"

"You sexist asshole!" Wendy yelled from her spot by Christophe. She tends to hover over the driver's seat to make sure we don't all crash. Thank god…

"Wendy, go make me a sandwich." Craig added with a smug grin. I chuckled when Wendy fumed with anger. Though I find her nice, she still scares me shitless! She beat the bag out of Cartman when we were in grade school, just imagine what she could do now?

"Stop screaming! This bus is full of idiots!" said Stan as he grabbed a bag of chips.

"Tell me about it, I'm trying to sleep over here!" shouted Kenny from the back.

"I can tell, you won't get out of my bed…" added Kyle dryly.

"You adore my company." Kenny cooed seductively.

So many people talking! I moaned and within a nanosecond Craig comforted me by pulling me closer to him and smiling down at me, "Jesus, we should all just sh-shut -nngh- up!"

"Yeah lizten too ze-" Christophe grinned in the mirror just as I looked up, "Cute spaz."

I bolt of fear shot down my spine and my first instinct was to look away from the mirror and stare at the floor. Clearly, I'm a freak who enjoys studying the bus' carpet. I looked over at Bebe again, she was caressing Butters softly, "Don't let Cartman make fun of you. You look fabulous!"

"Coming from the spitting image of a slutbag." Cartman commented rudely.

My eyes widened in fear of Wendy attacking him for calling her best friend such a harsh name. Craig on the other hand just scoffed, clearly he was more amused than anything else. I nudged him, "Bebe, y-you're not -oh Jesus- a slut. C-Cartman's just an ass."

"Ay-" Eric fidgeted and mumbled incoherent words before deciding he couldn't think of something bad to say, "Fuck off!"

Even I know that's not an original comeback and of course Craig flipped him off, "Go eat a cheeseburger, tubby."

I smiled shyly, it's not that I don't like Craig defending me but he knows very well I can defend myself…I keep a baseball bat under my bed.

"Now entering New York City!" shouted Bebe, she grabbed my arm and I screeched for a moment due to my shock. She hugged me tightly like some stuffed animal, "Aren't you excited, Tweeky-bear? We're entering the big apple!"

Clyde yawned as he got out of bed, "I don't see an apple anywhere?"

"Too bad we can't blame his stupidity on lack of sleep." Token commented as he ruffled Clyde just to add even more bed head. Clyde's been asleep for hours, lack of sleep wouldn't be a proper reason for even an ounce of his stupidity. That's coming from the spaz that believes in underpants gnomes and panty fairies.

Just when all the fighting settled down and everyone stared out the window enjoying the view of all the high class stores and strangely dressed people. Well let's just say Christophe put me into a state of cardiac arrest, "Ne pas klaxonner putain de moi! Vous cocksucking fagot!"

Once he screamed at the taxi drivers I lost all tranquility I had- it wasn't a lot to begin with… Now I can't stop thinking about the murders walking amongst the large crowds of people, what homeless people live in which alleyways, who knows if the buildings are sturdy! If one goes down they're like dominos, they'll plummet to the ground and kill us all! Oh sweet Jesus! I don't want to die man, way too much pressure!

"OR WORSE! I could step on a piece of freshly chewed gum!" I shouted now letting my thoughts become speech. Way to go Tweek…I really can't stop myself from being a freak, can I?

Everyone was now staring on me which doesn't really help because now I'm twitching more than normal and I feel…the pressure…coming on…nngh.

"Chill, Tweek. New York will be fun." Stan said possibly attempting to reassure me that I'm not going to die but honestly he's doing a shitty job.

Craig gave me a genuine smile, "Someone needs to lay off the crack."

"Who? Cartman's mom?" asked Kyle.

"My mom is not a crack whore!" objected Cartman.

"I don't believe anyone called her a whore." Stan winked with a smug grin. Him and Kyle smiled at each other but Stan's faded quickly and his eyes darted around nervously, maybe even more nervous than me…psh, no.

Before I could process what we were doing I was being dragged down the street by a peppy Bebe and a just as peppy Butters. I mean it! They're freaking me out! We've been in every store, Bebe tries on like twenty shirts and only buys like one thing!

I. Need. Caffeine.

I looked around clothing store, clothing store, clothing store, clothing store, sunglasses hut, clothing store, clothing store, M&M store, clothing store, Starbucks! Bingo.

I became deadweight and stopped right in my tracks, which isn't a wise decision on a New York sidewalk especially in times square. Now I'm being shoved and I feel suffocated. Can't breath. Losing air. Being smothered. I'm gonna become a piece of smooshed gum! "Ah!" I yelped but luckily as Bebe would put it 'my knight in shining armor' saved me from the herd of evil New Yorkers.

"Tweekers, be careful!"

"Someone's showing some emotions." Kenny elbowed Craig with a grin.

I blushed and pulled my shirt again, "C-coffee?"

Craig smiled, you know, while he flipped Kenny off. "Of course."

As we were about to walk away Cartman started complaining again! "All we do is shop! Let's go get some fucking food!"

"Ze fatazz would want more food." said Christophe as he draped his arm around Kyle.

"Let's go get some coffee." said Craig as he rolled his eyes.

Before we could even take a step Bebe and Clyde grabbed us, "You can get coffee when we go out to dinner!" Bebe giggled.

"Which is now! I'm starving!" Clyde whined.

"Shocker." both me and Craig said in unison. I think his sarcasm is rubbing off on me. Oh no, is sarcasm contagious? Maybe it's like a disease! Like soon my voice will become dry and boring, not that I don't like Craig's voice…I do! Oh Jesus…

COFFEE! I started downing the cup that was placed in front of me. We're at some high class, fancy restaurant that I'm positive I can't afford. But look they gave me a whole pot of coffee, just for me. I smiled into my glass and let the warm fluid send a sensational tingle down my throat. As it drizzled down, I felt safer.

"Well not that this dinner isn't fabulous but who's paying for my share?" asked Kenny as he sucked the juice out of a lobster leg. "Pretend this is you, Buttercup." he sucked more, oh that pervert.

Butters blushed as red as the lobster that Kenny was sexually devouring, "Oh geez…"

"Kenny, you're disgusting." said Kyle with a roll of his eyes.

"Not like I wouldn't do ze zame to you." muttered Christophe. I along with some others we're shocked.

"See, it's human nature, Kyle. Guys want to suck cute, innocent fellows like you and my Butterbabe." Kenny laughed at Kyle's tomato face.

"No, only fags." corrected Craig. I couldn't help but look at him sadly. I never knew homosexuals could be so homophobic? What if Craig hates himself for being gay? That means he might be cutting himself! Oh Jesus, he's going to die of blood loss and leave me all alone with these people! These people might kill me! Oh no! that could've been their plan all along because Craig secretly hates me. I'm gonna die, man. I-

"Oh and it's obvious Craig would do Tweek. Clearly." said Token as he cut me off from my mind ramble- that was probably for the best…

Craig flipped them off but grinned at me, "Maybe."

I turned red like Kyle and Cartman spoke, "I can't believe all my friends are fags."

"I wonder if you'll all be future Mr. Garrisons." added Wendy and they laughed in unison.

Bebe giggled too, "No way! He's the reason our class is so fucked up. I mean we never learned anything important, we're practically taught to be gay or whores. In Kenny's case, both!"

Kenny nodded as he wiped his mouth, "Well I will sell my body to whoever pays for my meal."

I shook, "I-I don't think I can -nngh- afford th-this. Gah! Don't kill me!"

Craig put his hand on my knee, no one saw but me. "I'll pay for you."

Five minutes later…

"So here's the plan. Girls go to the restroom and escape out the emergency exit." said Kenny in a serious tone but with some excitement behind the expression. I'm shitting my pants right now…

"I don't approve of this!" said Wendy angrily. I just stared at her, I don't think it's possible for me to blink.

"Why not? We already skipped a tab this summer." said Cartman with a smirk.

Everyone now directed their attention to her shocked but I was starting to black out, "No I didn't!" is what I think she said.

"Well I don't think we paid for your salad or my sammich did we? At the beach." he laughed harshly. Everything starting to sound more volumized- that's not a word! I'm starting to lose brain cells!

"Moving on, Kenny throw the fuck up, Butters and Stan can escort you out." Said Craig in addition. Now I'm seriously freaking out! I was in the state of shock, now I'm shaking.

"Aw, dude, that's a waste of a good meal." Kenny whined.

"It's not like you paid a lot for it." Craig grinned at Kenny's misfortune. I don't think he notices me mentally panicking!

"Zen me and Kyle can 'ave a lovers dispute." Christophe smiled at Kyle and Kyle nodded with a faint blush. Heart is going to break my ribcage.

"Then me and Tweek follow behind trying to help you guys out. I mean we're great friends after all." Craig spat sarcastically. I'm past the point of hyperventilating.

"Token distract the lady at the counter with your suave moves. Make up a fake name and everything. That way Clyde and Cartman can sneak out the door without being seen." finished Kenny. Can't breath…

"The fattest people out of all of us just sneak out. Yeah that's a good choice." Stan mustered out with a smile and Wendy slapped his arm.

"Don't be mean. They're taking the biggest risk at getting caught." she whispered.

I'm going to die.

Another second went by and Wendy and Bebe easily pulled off the two best friends going to 'powder their noses'. Craig looked at me as I clenched my chest to stop my heart from over-beating. He put his arm around me, "Babe, your fine."

"Gah! We're gonna get caught -nngh- then we'll g-go to j-jail, do you know wh-what they do to people like me in jail? They m-make -nngh- me their bitch, I don't want to be r-raped! I already to-told y-you that!"

"Keep him quiet, asshole. We don't want to get caught." ordered Cartman and I couldn't help but flinch more, now people are mad at me!

"Listen, Cartman, I'll personally leave you here with the bill and two broken legs." Craig threatened and I froze. Everyone froze. Because Craig was serious.

"Well anyways- I'm gonna throw up now." said Kenny trying to break the new found tension between Cartman and Craig. He cracked his knuckles and held his stomach, let out a moan and blew chunks. It's disgusting! Germs are going to infect the air and I'm going to breath it in! Then I'm going to catch some rare disease that doctors won't be able to cure and the government won't allow them money to find a treatment for me because they have a conspiracy plan to get rid of me once and for all! And then I'm going to-

"Come on, dude." Stan patted the back of Kenny and pretended to care about his 'illness' he sighed, "Come on Butters let's help him back to the car."

"I don't know if I can go on living! My life is flashing before my eyes!" Kenny overacted and Stan elbowed him. I saw him grin stupidly but the waiters didn't notice they were apologizing to us for the situation.

"I am appalled by ze 'orrible conditions! W'at ze foock eez wrong wiz zis place?" shouted Christophe, he was a much better actor than Kenny. He shot daggers at the workers and they edged away slowly, "Zis waz me and my boyfriendz special night! I'm goeeng to keell ze w'ore, Kenny!"

He slammed down his glass cup which sent me into another set of twitches and then he started to storm out, "Don't blame our problems on Kenny! The only reason we went to dinner was because they forced you!" shouted Kyle, they actually seem very believable but I think Kyle's containing his urge to laugh- maybe I'm hallucinating. Oh man, this is bad.

Just as they stormed out Craig stood up and brought me up with him by holding my hand securely. I practically dug my nails into him due to my current fears floating around, or flooding my brain to be more specific. "J-Jesus Christ…" I muttered and bit my lip so hard, I think I taste blood. SHIT, I'm gonna need stitches!

"We're going to get our friends. They're going through a hardship." said Craig trying to be sympathetic but still speaking in his usual monotone, uncaring voice. The lady nodded kindly but still scared.

We started walking a bit faster until we were outside the restaurant, "Sweet Jesus! I fucking -nngh- hate you guys!" I shouted now trying to take in all the air at once.

Kenny was laughing his ass off, I don't see how it's funny! We could still get caught, not everyone is out yet! "Well let's just hope Cartman gets caught." Craig said to me, he was still holding my hand.

"Oh crap, I cut you!" I said almost in a new state of panic.

He looked at his hand and shook his head, then smiled, "It's fine. I still want to hold your hand."

I grinned, "You're a fluff ball."

"Only to you. Come on did you not hear the threat I gave Cartman? That was for you, baby." he chuckled and squeezed my hand gently.

"Ah! Mother fuckers, run!" shouted Clyde as he started hauling ass down the sidewalk past us. Our eyes widened together and I was running as fast as I could, which is apparently very fast.

We dodged people as we took sharp corners and hopped over Taxis. Shit they almost hit Kenny! I thought I was hyperventilating but I think I'm…laughing?

Yeah! I'm laughing! This is really fun! It's adventurous and dangerous but Craig still has my hand and nobody else is freaking out, so maybe I should calm down. I twitched again but this time with excitement and not fear.

I'm not nearly as jittery in my head as I am in person…oh shit! I'm talking to myself that means I'm going crazy- shit, they're going to lock me in a mental asylum!

I looked around at everyone's panting faces. Clyde flailing his arms, Cartman having a heart attack from the rare exercise, as Stan attempted to 'help' him by giving him a rough push every few feet, Bebe skipping while sticking her tongue back at Token mockingly-due to her winning, Wendy yelling at Kenny to be careful, Kenny almost getting hit by a bus while carrying Butters on his back! Kyle holding onto the back of Christophe's shirt to keep at pace, while Christophe held his shovel to shove others out of his way. Oh and Craig and me running rapidly- good thing I have caffeine in my system!

I guess if I were to go to an asylum it wouldn't be that bad…I'll probably be with the same people anyways…sweet Jesus that might be bad.

"Aw, dude, I think I stepped in gum..." whined Clyde.

Better him than me.


	8. Day Five Part 2: Clubbin'Bad Idea

**Day Five Part 2- Clubbin' May Not End So Well…**

"_I'm drunk." _

"_As am I." _

I shook my head, how could a great night turn into a painful memory? Okay, fine it really…wasn't all that painful. No, I'm lying. It was horrible and I hated every moment of it! I did. I seriously hated it, I was drunk.

"Come on, losers. Let's go to some of the craziest clubs in New York!" Bebe shouted from the bathroom. She was hookering herself up.

"Well maybe when your done painting your face we'll leave." I said as I threw some gel in my hair. No, not the guido way but a subtle spike. It's gotta look natural not stupid.

Bebe stepped out wearing three inch heels, a tight black halter dress, curly hair and heavy make up. "Just for that, your gonna be the one holding my purse all night."

"Sorry but I'll probably be holding Wendy's all night." I smiled at my girlfriend but she just scoffed. Alright so when I don't give her attention she's a clingy bitch that follows me around constantly but when I do go ga-ga all over her she pushes me away? Does that make any sense? No, no it doesn't.

"I don't need you. Cartman can hold my purse, right?" she asked in a stern tone almost like he had to. Which was just generally weird because why would Cartman hold her purse? I'm not the only one confused everyone else is staring at them bewildered.

Cartman looked around almost nervously? I guess. Anyways he laughed cruelly, "What do I look like your pack mule? Stupid hoe, you can hold my shit."

"Dude." I said flatly. Not entirely shocked but just knowingly disappointed with his response. Her eyes widened and I could practically see the steam coming from her ears. She gets mad pretty easily but what pisses her off the most is when she doesn't get her way. Does nobody remember Miss. Ellen? I ask myself way to many questions.

"You're an asshole!" fist were instantly formed and I swear she's gonna punch someone tonight.

"I'll hold your purse." Token said calmly, not really attempting to be a suave gentlemen like he usual is when he picks up chicks but instead just wanting to shut her up. I've been in that situation before.

"What is she Miss. Daisy?" asked Kenny with a smug smile.

Bebe giggled, "Shut up! I'll hold your hair when we end up in the bathroom, Wends."

"Oh you always have my back." Wendy giggled along with her super best friend. I really wish I could do that with mine but I haven't talked to him since that night.

"_We're going to regret it!" he pulled me away trying not to._

_I kissed him in the middle of the crowd, no one even noticing the gay scene, "I want you though." _

I hate the memory so much but I'm the one that made him do it. I shouldn't be the one avoiding the situation if anything he should be the one!

I twitched in unison with Tweek, "Let's go!" he smiled with anticipation. Yes surprisingly the paranoid spaz enjoys clubbin' more than anyone else on the bus. Currently he's all juiced up on coffee which just makes him look like he's on meth or something. I mean normally he looks likes he's on crack, but that's on a normal day. But when we go to clubs it's like a mix of ecstasy and crystal meth. No joke.

Within about an hour everyone had taken the club under their control. "There is no way you can get Butters to let you body shot off him." said Token.

"Fine, if I manage to convince him then you owe me twenty bucks." Kenny smirked as he chugged one of his cheap beers.

"I want in!" I said as Craig snatched my shot from me. "But if you don't convince him then you have to buy us a round of shots."

Kenny paused for a moment, "Fine but if I do convince him then I don't want twenty bucks from you, I want you to make out with Kyle."

My face dropped, "Dude, the fuck?"

"Fucking pervert." chuckled Craig as he sipped some random persons drink.

"Call me what you will but I really do owe both you and Kyle a favor."

"It is about time you break the tension." added Token as he helped Craig stand properly.

Does everyone know about me and Kyle? Jesus, I thought they wouldn't think anything of it considering I've done my all to ignore him.

Before we could continue our bet making we heard someone scream, "Woo!"

"Come on bitch take it off!"

Bebe was currently dancing on the countertops like some stripper. Oh and look at that she managed to get Tweek onto the bar table with her, yes dancing like maniacs. Tweek looks kind of like a girl and I'm pretty sure half of the other drunken men agree, they're like throwing money at him.

Craig stood up quickly, "What the fuck? Tweek, get *hic* the fuck DOWN!" he shouted at he shoved random people out of the way.

We just laughed at him and continued to watch Bebe and Tweek grind on the countertops. Tweek's twitches only added emphasis to the rave dance. Kenny laughed and slapped my back, "Too bad she didn't get Kyle up there."

"You're fucking drunk man."

"Ah, ah, ah, I've only had like three or four beers. Therefore, I'm far from drunk. Along the lines of tipsy." he looked over at Craig who was now pulling Tweek off the table forcefully, "Craig on the other hand is rather shitfaced."

I looked over again just in time to watch Craig pull the heap of blondes on top of him as they plummeted to the floor. Both Bebe and Tweek are now crushing Craig while everyone 'booed' at him. "Craig, stop ruining me and Tweeky-poo's fun!"

"Don't let him be a strip tease then! Fucking whore." I laughed at the scene of three drunken idiots wobble around.

"Hey, Buttercup, have you heard of body shots?" I chuckled and walked over to Wendy, you know the girl I thought was supposed to be my girlfriend.

"Hey, Wends." I said with a genuine smile. Well it wasn't really genuine but it was one hell of a fake smile.

Somehow I think she saw through it, "Listen, if you're here to brag about me being your girlfriend then go away."

"I don't understand why that would be a bad thing! I think you're amazing, shouldn't that be good?" now I was getting kind of pissed.

"I don't need to be a prize on display! I need a boyfriend who loves me unconditionally all day, everyday." she yelled and shot me daggers, "You're only treating me like this because you're in denial about being a gay-fucking-wad!"

"Homophobe much?" asked Clyde as he walked by sipping a Capri Sun. Where do you get a fucking Capri Sun at a club?

"Clyde, you fucking ruined the best drama I've seen all night." said Craig, he had his arms around Bebe and Tweek, I guess he finally managed to get them to stop strutting around.

"I'm just sick of being used." Wendy crossed her arms and examined my drunken appearance. "Eric is buying me a drink. He didn't ditch me when we got off the bus to go hang with the guys."

"Because nobody wanted to hang out with him." I muttered as she walked away disappearing into the crowd.

Tweek and Bebe's eyes widened and they started booty shaking, if that's what it's called. In unison they threw their arms up and released Craig, causing him to kiss the ground. "Oh my god! Tweek! Look, Kenny is sucking Butter's belly!"

Tweek twitched with anticipation as he danced around, "Sweet Jesus! He's sucking the life out of him!"

They sprinted away jovially and I was left with a heap of Craig. He was in the fetal position, "I want to sleep…"

I rolled my eyes and kicked him gently but he just snorted. "Dude…"

Of course I had to be the one stuck lugging that stupid ass back to the bus. It's not like I'm drunk or anything! No, I'm totally sober! I rolled by eyes and pulled Craig foreword some more, "Dude your fucking fat."

"Your fucking boney." he said as he shoved me off him, "I can walk myself." he stumbled backwards and landed in a bush.

"How you manage to fall in a bush in New York, really amazes me." Come on, New York is like only buildings, no bushes. Yet I'm now pulling one of my 'buddies' out of the sharp thorns.

Eventually we made our way back to the bus and Craig was crawling around like a toddler, which thankfully made me never want children. "Mooooooom, I love you but *hic* Dad's an ass…" I looked over and he was on his cell phone, "Don't 'oh' me!"

"Craig! Dude, the fuck?" I growled and played tug of war with him for a while.

"Dude, fuck yourself! No better yet go fuck Kyle, we all know you want to!" he hissed back which made me release his phone and send him flying backwards. Luckily I got a good laugh out of him smashing his head on the kitchen counter.

"One, your gonna feel that tomorrow. Two, I don't like Kyle." I went from highly amused to completely serious. I wonder if he can tell the difference.

"Really? I heard Kyle and Mole talking about your inciment." he looked up at me, I would've mistooken him for sober but then he 'inciment' instead of 'incident'. Maybe him and Clyde swapped brains for the night?

"What did you hear?" I asked now really curious.

"That you fucked him and ran. You won't even look the *hic* kid in the eyes now. Me now want to hear your defense." he blinked with a smug grin.

I just stared at him for a moment, I mean maybe I should just tell someone what happened. Get it off my chest once and for all. "Fine, it's not like you'll remember anyways."

_Flashback…_

"_Where did Bebe go?" asked Wendy in her usual high-pitched voice. It's extremely aggravating, especially when I'm trying to have a fun time and just let loose. Of course, she's Wendy, she just wants to nag, nag and bring my mood into severe boredom or depression. That's Wendy for you. _

_Wendy Testaburger- The vision of beauty, perfectly flawless. Until you take away the seductive exterior and look at the reality of the women. A personality composed of hotheadedness, extremely prude tendencies, nags more than your mother, whines when something doesn't go her way and uses fists more than a guy._

"_I th-think she went to *hic* the bathroom?" Kyle said in a confused, questioning way. That's how shit-faced he was, he probably didn't even know where he was. _

"_You guys are useless! I'm going to find her! Make sure you don't die of alcohol poisoning." she spat harshly as she left in a huff._

_I rolled my eyes and muttered, "Tell that to Kenny." _

_Kyle managed to hear me and erupted into a fit of giggles, "Dude, let's take another shot!" _

_Kyle Broflovski- In the hallways of Park High he's commonly referred to as either Stan Marsh's super best friend, Cartman's enemy, or a Jew. Usually wears a green hat to cover up his Jew-fro, a mop of red curls, though it's rather adorable. Is pale as snow but it fits him. Generally he looks feminine. A personality that revolves around his short-tempered attitude and 'Even if I'm small I'll kill you' physique. To even out the feistiness he obtains many nicer factors to his personality. Such as he is generally rational and knowledgeable when making decisions. Though he's also adventurous and willing to try extreme things just for the fun of it. He knows when to put his foot down and when to just let go. _

_I smiled at him and held my glass for a toast, "A toast to the sexiest redhead in the building."_

"_You mean on the planet." he winked and laughed at himself. I love when he gets drunk he just becomes a childish mess._

"_In the universe!" I said and he smiled back at me._

"_Want to dance?" he asked as he tilted his head slightly to the left and his smile sparkled. Okay, so I'm a little drunk and I'm taking in way to many details of my MALE friend._

"_Yeah, a specific dance, so to speak." I replied and I'm pretty sure he knew what I meant. It's not my fault that I was caught in his seductive trance…fine, so he wasn't trying to be seductive but I guess it's just a natural ability for him. His hair gracefully falls in his face meaning he has to push it to the side to reveal his hypnotizing orbs of emerald. _

_They. Hypnotized. Me. That's the end of my reasoning…_

"_Anything but the Macarena, I never learned all the dance moves." he chuckled and rubbed the back of his head, "Jews don't have much rhythm."_

"_Lucky for you, I do." I winked._

"Before I could even rationalize the situation I was bringing him to the bathroom." I said as I put my head in my hands, one, this was a humiliating story, two, I'm actually enjoying the memory.

"You do realize you had sex with the love of your life in a crappy club bathroom." Craig was trying to hold back his laughter, which normally is extremely easy for him, but I guess my suffering is beyond hilarious to the dickhead. Plus he's pretty damn drunk.

"He's not the love of my life." Well that wasn't convincing, I didn't even sound defensive or stern or anything! I literally replied casually. How did I just reply casually to a statement like that?

"Wendy isn't. Kyle is. Get over it." he started playing with the remote until the batteries popped out, "Aw shit, how do you put the batteries in the remote?" maybe he's going to hyperventilate.

"Not that you're a suckish advice giver but you suck at giving advice." I glared at him. Why I'm telling Craig my secret? I don't know and as far as I can remember me and him don't get along very well. We're like specific rivals, I'm the leader of my gang, he's the leader of his and we compete at like everything.

"What do you expect, I'm starting to see everything as a blur. I'm more concerned with keeping my balance than giving you some life changing advice." he rolled his eyes and adjusted his hat. It still shocks me that he wears it, I mean its kind of stupid looking. Very kid-like. "Dude, I'm gonna fucking break this clicker! I can't fit the goddamn batteries in!"

I just looked down at the floor and shrugged, "Yeah…"

There was a long silence until Craig managed to stand up and turned to face me with his arms crossed and everything, "You are the dumbest dude I've ever met. Like even stupider than Clyde."

"This coming from the guy who can't fit the batteries in the damn remote!" I yelled in an objecting manner.

"No. Seriously. Like even Clyde would be able to come to terms that he's gay and in love with one awesome dude. I understand being gay isn't the most normal thing in the world, but if I can admit I'm gay then you should be able to." he rolled his eyes and stumbled a bit, but continued talking, "I'm Mr. Boring and your Mr. Adventure, right? Right. So you've suffered stranger things than being gay. I feel bad that Kyle was stuck with an ass like you, I'd never put Tweek through what you've put Kyle through."

There was another long silence and I just sat there awe-stuck. Craig never usually talks that much, it means he'd have to put effort into the conversation and usually he didn't do that. Plus he just got mad at me for not admitting I'm gay, while telling me that he's gay and okay with it. I knew he was gay and stuff but he never really admitted to it, he would just tell us to fuck off.

And he felt bad for Kyle, for what I did. I ignored him, I ignored Kyle and threw myself at Wendy. I'm such an asshole! I sighed, "Thanks."

"Don't be a pussy." he said back to his normal 'I don't care' attitude, monotone voice included. Though he was still having trouble seeing properly… he grabbed the back of the back of the driver's seat and groaned.

"So you and Tweek really are a thing?" I asked with a smirk. Smirking both at his physical, alcohol pain and his emotionally, 'I'm in love with Tweek' obvious secret. Though it never really was a secret…

"More than you and Kyle are." he grinned smugly. A minute later I was holding the boy's Chullo while he upchucked into the toilet bowl.

That's how my night ended, a fabulous night discussing my memories of a night I thought I regretted, with Craig, who was of course completely under the influence and probably couldn't even remember his own name. Oh then I had to be his bitch and turn him on his side so he wouldn't choke on his own puke. I guess it wasn't a total failure. Maybe, I'll talk to Kyle. Fuck Wendy.

The morning came quick and everyone ended up in strange positions just like a few nights before. Along with myself Craig, Bebe and Tweek ended up in the crammed room we call the 'drunken fucktards' room. Bebe and Tweek were spooning in the bathtub, both soaked for some reason. Craig still hugging the toilet bowl and me, leaning against the wall just observing it all.

As far as I can tell everyone else is still asleep. I on the other hand stood up and started examining the rest of the bus. Cartman and Wendy claimed the couch as Wendy leaned against Cartman, her own personal pillow. Kenny on the floor next to Butters' bed. Token was in the drivers seat, awkwardly adjusted to the wheel. Christophe in one of the beds, cigarette hanging from his lips.

I stared mindlessly as Kyle hummed quietly. I guess I'm not the only one up, considering my super best friend is making coffee. He glanced over at me and gave me a shy smile, "Option one, run back into the bathroom. Option two, we can talk."

I just stared at him while he waited patiently for my answer. I cleared my throat which was burning from nervousness and dryness, "Option three, we can start by drinking some coffee?"

His small, sliver of a smile grew and he nodded, "Who are you? Tweek?"

We shared a calm chuckled until the doors we're pried open and a pissed off Clyde was shooting us sharp glares, "Wow, nobody even thought about helping me! I woke up next to a cross dresser in a cheap motel down the street!"

"Yeah well I was forced to help a shit-faced Craig all night." I stated as I grabbed the coffee from Kyle.

"Well I had sex with Christophe." said Kyle smiling stupidly and my smile dropped. He glanced back and forth from Clyde to me, "I win?"

WHAT?

* * *

Notice I mention Jersey Shore or have Jersey Shore references in half my chapters, yeah that's because Jersey Shore is my second favorite show xD South Park comes first of course!

I know, I suck at Stan! He's not like super funny and it was an extremely serious chapter and I know…it sucked… :(((


	9. Day Six: Bus Breaks Down

**Day Six: Bus Breaks Down**

Chocolate chip pancakes drowned in maple syrup. Now that's what someone of my age should get, but I got that along with whip cream eyes and a bacon smiley face. This is how everyone should start out a morning. Greeted with a smile!

I grinned and jammed my fork into the soft substance, 'Ahh have mercy Clyde!' I giggled at my own thoughts as I munched happily on the soggy piece of fat. "Why didn't Christophe come this morning?" I asked with a full mouth, Token rolled his eyes at my immaturity. I'm only seventeen, I can be immature all I want.

Kenny was trying to steal Kyle's food, due to the fact that he couldn't afford his own meal. Kyle grunted and shoved him off. I sipped my apple juice casually, "I tried to get him up but he told me to leave him alone." Kyle shrugged and swatted Kenny's hand away from his sausage.

Eating sausage is kind of awkward, 'cause it's shaped like a dick. I chuckled at the thought. A lot of things are shaped like penis', maybe gay people are taking over the world?

"Cr-Craig wouldn't wake up either." said Tweek as he sipped his coffee.

I rolled my eyes, "Because he's lazy."

"Precisely." agreed Token.

Tweek smirked, "He's wicked -nngh- hungover."

My eyes widened and sparkled with joy, I jumped on the table and smiled goofily at Tweek. I guess I forgot about Tweek's ADHD because he threw his plate of food in my face. "Oh Sweet Jesus! I'm s-sorry! Next time don't -nngh- jump on the table! It's not normal…"

"Tweek just called you not normal. That really says something, Clyde." Kyle chuckled and I noticed him and Stan were actually talking to each other again. They were being distant before, I'm not usually one to feel tension in the room but I could feel it between them.

"Why are you on the table?" asked Stan confused.

I wiped off the syrup and butter, "Because! We need to take this perfect opportunity to play a prank on Craig!"

"It is a one in a lifetime opportunity." Token nodded in agreement.

Tweek smiled crookedly, "I-I want in!" he paused and pulled his hair, "As long as we don't -nngh- kill him! Jesus that would be too much pressure!"

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to…um… get off the table?" asked the waitress as nicely as she could. I smiled kindly and nodded.

"Alright, Clyde, do you remember last night? Well I'm mad at you about it." Token said as he crossed his arms with a mocking frown. He wasn't mad, it's Token. Token doesn't get mad at me, he loves me. I'm Clyde.

"All I know is you left me with a hooker, who was a man. I'm pissed at you." I pointed my fork at him accusingly.

"Well there was some chick dressed in a girl scout outfit. I don't know why, maybe it was a midlife crisis, I don't know. Point is you begged her if you could have her Capri Sun."

I cocked a brow, "Capri Sun?"

"Yeah, I was trying to watch over you but you wouldn't listen when I told you not to drink the freak's juice." he shrugged and let out a cracked smile.

"Well why would you be mad about that?" I asked confused, "If you were begging a chick for some Kool Aid I wouldn't get in your way."

He just chuckled at my subtle racist joke, I'm fucking funny, "Dude, your exact words were 'Get the fuck back, asshole, you don't fucking know my life!' and it really hurt my feelings." he grinned stupidly. "I expect an apology."

"I'll let you decide what video game we play when we get back to the bus?" I asked. That's a straight up apology right there.

"Fine, but you can't just give up when you start losing." he gave me that Token look. I can't describe it any other way it was just a…Token look?

"I'm not a sore loser!" I just hate losing…

I love video games though! It's just not all games are suited for all people. I personally suck at shooting games…I tend to aim, shoot and pray for a bullz-eye. Token sucks at sport games because he says there are too many controls. Tweek is good at fighting games because all he has to do is twitch and he nails all the fighting combos, it's quite a gift. Craig is good at ALL games. It's like he doesn't even need to try, he just wins.

"So, Kenny, how's your free for all going?" Stan asked almost uncomfortably.

Kenny quirked a brow but smiled proudly, "Perfectly. Yours?"

Stan stared at his plate, "Has everyone had sex on this trip?"

"Good idea. Let's tally it up!" Kenny raised his hand up, "Raise your hand if you've had sex!"

Everyone at the table including myself raised our hands. Kenny grinned, "Wow, everyone?"

Stan gulped and looked at Kyle. Kyle just smiled at him, his smile faded and a confused expression replaced it. "So who with?" asked Bebe as she fluttered her lashes and bit her bottom lip cutely. That's what she does when she's curious and needs to find something out. She puts the charm on.

I smiled at her, "You!"

She giggled, "I'm aware." she twirled her hair, "We should do it again some time."

"Well I'm curious to hear who Butters slept with." Kyle smiled stupidly at the shy blonde. I looked over curiously, but not enough to stop shoving food in my face. Eggs are soooooo yummy!

"I'm curious to hear who you've slept with." Kenny smiled obnoxiously at the Jew and then he focused his attention to Stan and wiggled his brows, "Or what about you, Stanny?"

"Wouldn't it be his girlfriend?" Token asked as he battled me for a piece of toast.

Wendy slumped in her seat, "Last night I had sex. It was for the first time this trip. It got kind of wild."

"But wasn't Stan with Craig all night?" I asked, yes I beat Token and got the toast! Suck on that!

"Exactly. So me and Eric participated in drunken intercourse." she whispered quietly.

Everyone's jaws and forks dropped, minds exploded and I choked on my food, "Dude!" shouted Stan.

Kenny just laughed insanely, "I didn't expect that!"

I coughed out my pre-chewed toast and looked at Bebe, normally she tells me all the gossip! She's Bebe! But she looked beyond astonished, she looked at me and shrugged with an equal amount of confusion. Now this is really uncomfortable… "Well this was some breakfast…but I personally want to go play a prank on Craig."

Token nodded after looking at them oddly. He stood up, "Let's go."

Once we left the diner Bebe jumped on my back and I gave her a piggyback ride to the bus. Token walked beside us and kept glancing behind to see Cartman and Wendy walking together, "I don't care what you guys think but I think the whole Cartman and Wendy thing is fucked up."

"I know! I mean it's Cartman!" Bebe gagged as she placed her chin to my head.

"I agree. So, buddy, who was the lucky chick? Or dude?" both Bebe and I looked at him and he just laughed.

"I didn't do anyone on the bus. It was the bartender at the club last night." he rolled his eyes, "This trip is just a huge sex timeline."

"Regretful memories to match." Bebe nodded, "I mean we all know something happened between Kyle and Stan, they were so far apart…like mentally."

"Clearly, I bet they fucked." I laughed and Bebe slapped Token's head.

We arrived at the bus and I let Bebe down. We entered quietly and saw Craig still passed out in his bed. Luckily Stan's gang, Tweek and Wendy stopped at a coffee shop, so we can pull our prank!

Token smiled and handed me the syrup we got from the diner. Bebe skipped to the bathroom and started throwing water on the bathroom floor like I told her to. I went to the mini-fridge and grabbed the whip cream. Now where did I put that blow horn?

Moments later a passed out Craig was coated with syrup, whip cream and a full on make over courtesy of Bebe. Me and Token shared a very emotional fist bump mainly because we never ever have the chance to pull anything on Craig. It's a nice change.

Bebe held the horn and smirked evilly at me, we blocked our ears and Bebe blasted it. Craig shot up hit his head on the bunk and moaned loudly. "Fucking assholes!" he looked up at me and shot a sharp glare, "I'm going to fucking kill you."

The sad thing he said that so seriously that I think I may have peed my pants. I stepped backwards, "But your just so delicious!" I held my arms up defensively.

Bebe jumped in front of me, "Don't be mad!"

"Yeah, you're Craigalicious!" I reached over and wiped my finger on him, picked up some of the syrupy residue and sucked it off my finger, "Yummy…"

He remained pissed off, as expected, "Fucking run."

Bebe didn't waste a second before she hauled ass to the other side of the bus. I on the other hand ran for the bathroom, bracing myself and jump over the puddle. Craig didn't do the same…

Token burst into laughter just as he toppled backwards and slammed deadweight on the tile floor. He didn't even groan, he just bit his lip. Then as monotone and boringly as always, "Ow."

Oh here comes my smile, now I'm laughing. "Dude! You just like bashed on the floor! I mean I expected like maybe stumbling or something, but not a full fall!" I laughed more and I think I'm even crying.

He stood up and glared at me, "Oh ha ha, you're so funny."

"We do try." said Token as he smacked the back of Craig's back.

"I'm just skilled." I smiled back at the still extremely pissed off Craig and insanely amused Token.

"In what? Wetting the bed?" Craig cocked his head to the side and rubbed the back of his probably thumping cranium.

"No, in crying for his mom. If it weren't for that puddle, you'd be beating the shit out of him and he'd be crying. I know." Token smiled smugly at me.

I pouted, "You guys are jerks. When I become a certified ninja, you will be sorry."

The doors opened and Christophe entered, "Alright, so we've got a mechanical problem."

"You lost your accent?" I asked bewildered. I mean there wasn't one hint of a French accent in that sentence.

"Vous êtes stupide." I don't know what he said. "Proves I'm steel French, doez eet not?"

"Never mind…" I sighed.

"I waz tryeeng to tell youz zat ze buz iz broken." wow, I think his accent got even heavier!

"What?" we all looked towards the door and saw a fuming Wendy, "The bus can't be broken!"

"Fucking douche ran over a pothole." said Craig, "I was sleeping we hit a bump, I heard French yelling then he left."

"First of all, you look nice Craig." said Kyle with a smug grin.

Stan walked up beside him and nodded, "I think the purple eye shadow and whip cream really bring out the intensity of his eyes, don't you agree, Kyle?"

"I do." Kyle laughed along with Stan and I chuckled myself. I mean the eye shadow was a nice touch, "Why were you driving in the first place?" asked Kyle, almost as annoyed as Wendy. Though she was more pissed.

"Not ze point." he said firmly. Then he shrugged, "But we s'ould go look under ze hood."

Everyone went outside. Stan, Christophe, Craig and Token mainly working under the hood because they're the only ones who understand it. The only thing I know about cars is they run on oil. It would be cool if cars ran on chocolate… chocolates good.

I licked my lips at the thought. Bebe imitated me from the top of the bus. Yeah, her, Butters, Kenny and a scared shitless Tweek we're sitting on the top of the bus getting their tan on. I smiled up at her, "Having fun?"

She shrugged, "Well-"

"Oh my god! Guess what I found in the bathroom drawer!" echoed Wendy as she exited the bus in one of her hourly rages.

Stan rolled his eyes and wiped some grease off him, "What did you find, Wends?"

"Easy mac!" she rolled her eyes in a disgusted manner.

I thought for a moment, "Is that a kind of condom?"

A guy can't make one stupid comment! Thanks to my stupid brain I was forced to go get the tools from under the sink. I know it isn't that big of a deal but still…

I opened the cupboard to find some tools, but instead I found two bottles of tequila! What the fuck, nobody told me we were carrying the good stuff! They must be hiding out on me, this is just like that time at McDonalds…

"_I'll have a McFlurry." I gripped the table for better balance, when you have heavier bones it's harder to keep your balance especially when drunk._

_Craig was squinting at the menu beside me, "Dude, why are we getting McDonalds?"_

_I shrugged, "I want a McFlurry." _

_The girl came back and shot me a look of absolute annoyance. Well she must have a pretty large pole up her ass. That's something Craig would say, that means I just said something badass. Craig is a badass. "Here." she shoved the drink outwards and rolled her eyes._

_I looked at the drink blinked a few times, bring on the brain freeze! I grabbed the cup and threw the cap off, chugged a few sips UNTIL I spit it back in her face. She screamed when the liquid made contact with her skin. Her eyes widened and she was about to flip out at me, but I kind of beat her to it. "You McFucked up!"_

"_What?" she shouted back with angry confusion._

"_I wanted a Margarita McFlurry!" _

"_Dude, you're a McFucking idiot." Craig laughed beside me and we were, of course, kicked out. _

"That bitch was definitely hiding the Margarita McFlurries. She really was." I said to myself. This time, I'm having some of the good stuff.

I grabbed the tequila, popped the cork off and grabbed one of Tweek's many thermoses.

15 minutes later…

"Good thing is we got the bus running," said Stan.

"Bad thing Clyde is weirder than usual." finished Kyle.

I stared at them, my mind was vacant and I could swear I was seeing doubles. A sheep that was bright yellow walked over to me, "Clyde, baby, are you alright?"

"Am I falling asleep?" I paused and the sheep kept staring at me, "One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four!"

"What sheep is he talking about?" asked Kyle. Stan just shrugged.

"I love farms!" I hugged the sheep tightly, "But my friend Craig, you probably don't know him, he's kind of an ass-"

"Not cool."

"Craig! You're here! I didn't know you were a farmer!"

"I'm not?" he said confused, he started to blur in my vision.

"Then why are you on the farm?" everything went silent and for a moment I thought I was deaf. So if deaf people never heard anything then do they hear they're own thoughts…do I hear my own thoughts?

"Well, w'ere are we goeeng next?" asked the French dude. He has a shovel, that confirms that we are on a farm.

"Just go find a place to p-park for the rest of the day. I-It can be a lazy day. Is that okay with you fellas?" asked Butters.

"YES!" I shouted happily.

Moments later, Christophe starting driving at his usual speed. We're going so fast that we're probably ripping through the space time continuum. I blinked repeatedly… oh no!

"Stop…Stop. Stop! I said to fucking stop, man!" Christophe hit the break and I flew forward, hit my head on the dashboard, but for some reason I can't feel the thumping pain.

"W'at?" he asked more confused than angry.

"Look at that! You almost ran over that poor hedgehog, man. Why? Because you-" I paused and made direct eye contact with him, "Are an ass. You're an ass! Killing innocent hedgehogs across the nation!"

Kyle walked over and looked over Christophe's shoulder, "Dude, that's a pinecone."

"You're a pinecone." I muttered angrily. Is everyone for animal abuse, stupid assholes.

"Yeah well, you're a towel." he spat back playfully while Stan just smiled.

"Why are you being so weird?" Bebe questioned me.

I let out a burp right in her face and she pulled away repulsed. She stopped and glared at me, "You drank my tequila!"

"You were keeping tequila from us?" Token said having the same reaction I had earlier.

"Cl-Clyde stole it?" asked Tweek.

"Clyde, you always manage to blow me away." said Craig as he laughed at me, while I made an ass of myself. Being intoxicated was a bad idea.

"I've never blown you!…at least not when I'm sober." I laughed, then everything began to morph. I blacked out. The last thing I remember seeing was dancing popsicle sticks…

It was a good day.

* * *

Alright, so this chapter was also a filler. Just letting you in on Clyde's subconscious thoughts and stupidly, poorly written statements xD

Also I like to add some funny filler chapters just so the readers remember that the characters are stupid high school students with WAYYYY too many, unrealistic sex stories xD

Review and tell me if you still like my clyde...I hope you do :D


	10. Day Seven: Canada, aye?

**Day Seven: Canada, aye?**

I'm an observer.

I don't mind though! I love hanging out with my friends, even if I don't really know them that well. They're all really nice people and have great personalities!

"Tweek, come on! I was just kidding!" whined Clyde, while Craig gave him a sharp and rather threatening glare.

Tweek hid under the bed…again, "B-But you said you -nngh- were a vampire!" he yelped again, "You mi-might suck my blood! Jesus, that's way too much pressure, man!"

Tweek and me are the best of friends! We weren't really friends in elementary school because his twitches used to scare me, like I thought he was some crazy freak! Then during sixth grade we started hanging out more. It was random, but it was good, actually I remember the day we became friends like it was just yesterday...

_"Sweet Jesus!" I looked around confused, where did that sound come from? It sounds familiar? _

_I scanned the park and instantly saw a freaked out blonde. Hmm? Kind of like looking in the mirror, so to speak. Well I now I feel sympathetic towards the boy, I just have to help him! I mean, he's just sitting on the ground, bawling his eyes out! _

_I nervously walked over to the hysterical blonde and gave him a shy smile, "Hi, I'm Butters!" _

_He looked up at me with a mixture of shock and pure fear. For a minute I thought he'd jump up and attack me, but instead he just wiped his tears and stood up catiously, "W-well, I'm Tweek."_

_"We're both in the same gym class!" I smiled with real happiness. People don't often talk to me, so making a new friend is a good idea!_

_"Oh geez! We're pl-playing dodgeball! Just -nngh- imagine getting hit in the h-head with one of balls and then you're screwed! Because Pip throws the ball -nngh- really REALLY fast a-and I'll end up with head trama! I'll go into a como! I'm too young to go into a coma, man!"_

_"That's a whole lot of pressure!" I nodded along listening to him._

_"Too much!" _

_"Well, why were y-you cryin'?" I asked, I hope I'm not prying into his personal life or anything!_

_"The squirell has it out for me, man! I-I was just sitting -nngh- below the tree, drinking coffee and then -nngh- out of nowhere a killer squirell attacked me!" I tilted my head in confussion, squirells are gentle creatures, right? "He pelted me with acorns! He's evil! And he's in cahoots with the underpants gnomes!"_

_"I see?"_

I enjoy hanging out with Tweek, he reminds me that I'm still sane.

Craig shoved Clyde and sent him toppling to the ground- it looked awfully painful. "The only one sucking you, would be me." Craig smirked as he helped Tweek out from under the bed.

I've never really had a one on one conversation with Craig before but sometimes he is too scary to confront. I remember during freshman year Tweek developed his crush on Craig, he used to talk all about how amazing he was. This was before me and Bebe had even said two words to Craig, so we used to be very confused as to why Tweek, an energetic bunny, would like Craig, a plank of wood.

Tweek said Craig was so funny, but whenever I saw him he just flipped me off and didn't mumble a word. It doesn't bother me though, because Tweek is my best friend and Craig is the nicest to him! It makes me happy to know he's taking good care of my buddy.

That's really all I know about Craig: Tweek's head over heals for the fella, he wears a blue chullo and he flips people off. Oh and my parents say he's bad news and to stay away from that trouble maker.

"So what you're saying, Craig, is you're the vampire?" Token said with a wide grin as he helped Clyde up and they laughed at the now seriously ticked off boy.

Token hardly talks to me, but I figure he's busy keeping Clyde in line. They're really good friends! Actually I'd even say they're best friends. They're always with one another no matter what, I see them with each other at their lockers, at the lunch table, walking down the halls, sitting on the bus together, they're just two fellas stuck like glue. Gosh, they might even be lovers!

Oh gee-whiz, Bebe wouldn't like that one bit!

"Clyde, go eat a taco." I guess that could be considered a comeback…

"Craig, go suck some blood." Clyde shot back. I guess this is a really bad comeback war…

Clyde's really hyper and silly. I may not be extremely close to him or nothing but we still consider each other friends. We used to be in the same math class sophomore year- he sat behind me. When he wasn't sleeping he used to shoot spit balls at Pip- I thought that was awfully mean, Pip never did nothing wrong! I was mean too…I used to laugh along and smile with Clyde. I thought we were bonding, you know? Though when we do have conversations all he really says is that I'd be hot as a girl. I don't plan on telling Kenny that…

Kenny is the nicest person I know! He's my best friend and has been since seventh grade. We we're kind of friends in elementary school, but normally he picked on me and hung out with Cartman a lot. I figure that's why he was so harsh before. In middle school Kenny really sprouted out of his shell! He started talking to more than just his main three friends, he's now close to EVERYONE on the bus.

"I got it!" I jumped a little when Kenny wiggled our seat cushion. I rubbed my knuckles and looked up at him with curious eyes. He said my eyes are like puddles, not oceans, puddles- I didn't question him, he was drunk. "Canada."

"Canada?" I repeated.

"Yeah, let's go to Canada!" Kenny exclaimed enthusiastically.

Craig rolled his eyes and flipped Kenny off, "Dude, Canada is a disgrace."

"What are you talking about?" asked Kyle annoyed.

"They sent us Justin Bieber, man!" Tweek twitched and pulled at his hair. He's informed me that Lady Gaga scares the shit out of him because she's like an alien, Snooki scares him because she might rape him and Justin Bieber's hair is going to take over the world.

"I'll never forgive them for that." said Stan with a snide grin.

"Yeah, so fuck Canada." Craig finished monotonously.

"Fuck you, Craig. My brother is Canadian." Kyle spat harshly and glared at Stan too.

"They sent us a Jewish Canadian. Well that settles it, fuck Canada!" Eric said casually as he ate cheesie poofs.

Kyle turned red with anger and was ready to flip out, I felt this was a good time to intervene, "B-But Canada has better television! R-right, Eric? I mean you hate Family Guy because it's a cocksucker show, th-that's what you told me!"

Kenny smiled, "Plus don't you want to try Canadian bacon?"

"Bacon?" Eric thought for a moment and sucked the cheese off his fingers, "Fine, let's go to Canada."

"Fine, eet weell take several hourz." Christophe said as he ignited the wheel. I don't really know Christophe either, but then again nobody really knows him. Bebe is friends with him and Kyle is awfully close to him, but I don't think any of us have ever been real good friends with him.

"Alrighty, Butters, let me do your make up!" Bebe smiled happily as she jumped out of her seat to retrieve the beauty products. As much as I want to say I hate her doing my make up and combing my hair, I can't. I love when she dresses me up! I feel so pretty afterwards and Kenny pays more attention to me.

I smiled and nodded, "Okay, Bebe!"

Kenny wrapped his arm around me and kissed my cheek, "Make up is rather hot, but don't let anyone else have yah."

I smiled in response, "Thanks, Kenny! I promise I'm all yours."

Kenny's the nicest person to me and probably the only one for me! The very first night we went on the trip, before we made the pact, he told me a secret.

"_Hiya, Ken!" I smiled happily as I galloped down my pathway to meet up with the orange clad boy. _

"_Hey, Buttercup." He smiled back at me- he had his hood down. Kenny really does have a nice smile. Seeing his actual facial features is much nicer than seeing his usual hood. He grabbed my duffle bag and we began our walk to Bebe's house. _

"_I'm really excited!" I said as I rubbed my hands nervously together. I hope there won't be too much drama! When I watch reality TV shows where everyone is living in the same house there's always a whole leap of drama. I sure don't want that!_

"_I'm going to suggest a certain pact tonight." I looked over at Kenny, due to the fact that he wasn't being his usual flirtatious or goofy self. _

"_Wh-what kinda pact?" I asked curiously and you know…nervously._

"_A dating pact. One where everyone agrees not to have permanent couples. So one minute someone could go kiss Kyle then the next second they could be fucking Wendy. No limitations." he explained, still serious. You would think he would be erotic, I mean this is Kenny we're talking about! _

_I stared at him confused, "That's n-nice. A bit slutty though…" _

_He chuckled lightly and put his arm around me, "Exactly."_

"_So you want me to agree to it? 'Cause my parents would be awful sore if they found out I was being a whore." _

_Kenny stiffened his grip on me and pulled me closer, "No." I quirked a brow and looked around in confusion, what does he want me to do? "I want you to pretend to agree to the pact. You nod and go along with it, but-" he paused and stopped walking. I felt him grab me and face me towards him, now staring directly into his eyes, "The only person I want you kissing is me. The only person I want you flirting with is me. The only person I want you fucking is me."_

All I remember thinking after that is someone really cared about me. Someone wants me all to themselves. And boy howdy did that feel good!

So now I stay side by side with Kenny.

"I'm in five layers of clothes, did I mention it's summer." whined Bebe for the millionth time. Shucks, I'm not trying to be mean or nothing, but ever since we decided to go skiing, tubing and snowboarding down the mountains she's been complaining. She doesn't like the idea of wearing thousands of clothes, "You will not be able to see my sexy curves! I look like a marshmallow!"

"Not to mention with your coordination you'll probably face plant and roll down the hill." Kyle smirked at the blonde but she just scoffed.

"As long as, Darsh, helps me." she smirked at Stan.

Kyle laughed and Stan just rolled his eyes, "Dude, he stole Heather from me!"

I noticed Wendy tuning in and sneering at the mention of another girls name. I think Stan and Wendy should just break up! I don't wanna get into other people's business or nothing, but Wendy had sex with Cartman while Stan hasn't done nothing but tell her how amazing she is. That's just bitchy.

"Hey, assholes, we have the skis and snowboards." said Craig as he handed Tweek a set of skis.

"What about tubing?" asked Wendy curiously.

"We'll do that later, hoe." said Cartman out of nowhere. He smirked at me, I blushed a bit, "Butters you should stay on the bunny hill, we don't want you to get hurt or anything."

"Is that a threat?" asked Kenny harshly.

It felt like I shrunk a bit, I don't like when people yell or fight about me, or something related to me in any possible way. "Well, gee fellas, I don't want to go on the big hills! I'll break a leg!"

"What?" shouted Tweek who was already having a nervous breakdown, while he tried to buckle himself into the skis.

"Well let's start skiing, bitches!" Kenny wrapped his arm around me and grinned stupidly.

**MONTAGE!**

I did my pizza and French fry stance until I saw Tweek swiveling down the hill, screaming for his life, "Oh mother of Christ! LET ME LIVE!"

...

Bebe insisted on going down the big hill with me.

I looked back as we slowly went up the ski lift, "Bebe! We only have one board!"

She blinked at me confused, then smiled- I'm kind of scared…

Moments later she placed the board down, I sat down at the tip and she wrapped herself around me. We flew down the hill laughing the whole time. You know until we hit a hill and went plummeting into a pile of snow.

...

"Craig, be jealous. I have skills!" Clyde bent his knees and started going down the hill. He was doing a real good job and everything!

Craig yawned as he stood straight up on the board, showing absolutely no effort. Yet he still managed to catch up to Clyde and somehow trip the husky brunette, "I wish I had those skills."

Now that was a snide remark.

...

"Bacon? Bacon? BACON!" yelled Eric angrily. I looked over nervously as he came stumbling towards me in his skiis with some Canadian bacon gripped in his hand, "Canadian bacon is just fucking ham! It's fucking ham!"

"Yeah, but it's g-good, right?" I asked as I rubbed my knuckles together.

"Whatever, I fucking hate Canada! Justin Bieber wannabes, fucking ham, stupid snow..."

...

"Come on Buttercup! Time to race!"

Yeah we raced…let's just say I lost and not mention my pathetic crash into an obese woman's backside…

...

Kenny, Clyde and I grabbed one another's tubes and linked together. Gee whiz this is going to be fun! The man pushed us down and we hit an extreme speed.

Clyde's eyes widened and he looked like a crazed meth addict…I sure hope he isn't a meth addict, that would be a downer. "DUDE I'M GONNA UPCHUCK!"

Kenny ceased laughing and quirked a brow a the obnoxious boy, "Upchuck?"

Clyde magically calmed down and nodded with a goofy grin, "It's the formal term for puke."

Now I ruffled my brows, "Isn't that informal?"

"Yeah, don't be an illiterate dumbfuck." said Kenny.

We reached the bottom of the hill and Clyde pouted, "Like I'm gonna listen to the white trash hillbilly and the boy with a speech impediment!"

"I prefer the term redneck." Kenny smirked and turned his attention to me, I blushed again, "You're just jealous you're not as adorable as Buttercup."

Clyde rolled his eyes, "Well I want a pudding cup."

...

Me and Craig stood at the bottom of the hill watching the shaking blonde stand numbly at the top. We shared a worried glance, though his still managing to be more apathetic than mine.

"Come on, Tweekers!" he shouted and we could clearly see the insomniac flinch, "It's only a bunny hill!"

I nodded, "Come on! You can do it!"

We were wrong he went down the hill, hit a nonexistent object and fell. Craig attempted to be a hero and save his blonde but that just resulted in Tweek hitting him with a ski cane thing…

...

I saw Wendy and Cartman get into a fight, now she's hanging out with Token. Possibly just using him to get Cartman jealous, that's how hoes work…

...

"Don't you find it unfair?" I sat beside Eric on the ski lift, now I'm starting to regret it.

"What are you talkin' 'bout, Eric?" I asked somewhat nervous and a tiny bit curious, mostly nervous though. I mean I can feel them butterflies flappin' in my stomach!

"Kenny gets to flirt his ass off, kiss anybody he wants, go around raping chicks, but you can't do any of that UNLESS it's with him."

"I-I don't s-see a problem with it…" I'm stuttering more than usual, oh geez…

"He's got you on a leash, break free." Maybe that would sound like good advice, but there are also two problems. One, it's Eric talking. Two, he sounds rather insincere…

Though maybe he has a point, Kenny does make out with an awful lot of people, I mean I know he flirts with a whole lot of gals and fellas, but that doesn't mean he actually likes them. He's Kenny, that's just what he does.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I reached the bottom of the slope. Kenny grinned at me, "Hey, Buttercup, nice skiing skills." he winked and put his arm around me.

I looked at him, just studying him...Eric may be right...

* * *

I just want to give a shout out to EVERYONE who's reviewed this story! :D Because you guys are the ones that keep me updating, if it weren't for the kind reviews then I probably would of quit a while ago xD

My opinion on Butters is pretty shitty, I know in the show he's much more talkative and a bigger role, but I'm making him the observer, more like a thinker :D


	11. Day Seven: Continuation of Canada

**Day Seven: Continuation in Canada**

"Canada is cold." said Clyde stating a well-known fact, we're skiing of course it's going to be cold!

"Thanks, Captain Obvious." I spat with a roll of my eyes.

"Your welcome, Sergeant Sarcasm!" he smiled back goofily.

I face-palmed my head, but as much as it kills me to admit it that boy keeps me sane. Well sort of…the point is I would be a depressing, whiney, stuck up, rich kid if it weren't for Clyde keeping me fun-loving and playful. He just keeps me so…down to earth. Alright so that sounds like a weird statement because there is no way in hell that the words 'Clyde' and 'Down to earth' have ever, EVER been mentioned in the same sentence.

He's my crazy, free-spirited, dorky and horribly obnoxious idiot, but he is my best friend. Seriously though, if it weren't for his quirks and randomness I would possibly have the biggest pole jammed so far up my ass, it would turn me gay! That makes sense? Fuck yeah it does, it's my subconscious, everything makes sense!

"Token! Look I got the high score!" I looked over and saw Clyde grinned proudly at one of the Pac Man machines. Yes, he's proud that he got a high score on a pathetic game like Pac Man…

"But, dude, you got killed by the pink ghost. That's like pathetic."

"How's it any different then being killed by the other colored ones?" he asked confused beyond belief.

I put my arm around him, "Because the pink one's a girl, meaning you were beat by a girl, that makes you a serious flamer."

His eyes widened and he gasped, "Dude! That's so not cool!"

"Stop being so sexist. If you want to know the truth about Pacman, only one of the ghosts actually chases you throughout the game. The others are just wandering around mindlessly, only the red one is following you. Therefore if one of the others catches you then it's your fault." stated Wendy. She's kind of been following me around like all day. Well after her and Cartman's little argument about God knows what! I bet it was something ridiculous like Canadian bacon or women's rights…

"Ugh! For real?" Clyde gasped at the new knowledge he attained. He'll forget the information in a half hour or so.

Wendy rolled her eyes and focused her attention back to me, with a wide smirk. "I wouldn't expect someone of your culture to be so bigoted."

"I'm not like a slave, Wendy, I'm just as racist as any of you hicks." I smirked back. "Plus you're the one that sounded bigoted."

"Nice argument." she grinned devilish at me, now that is why her and Cartman work together. Arguing like turns her on, that's too weird for me to put up with.

Clyde laughed but punched her arm, "Yeah, dude, don't be big-otteded."

Seriously this retard is my best friend? Somewhere in time I must've seriously fucked up…

Wendy scoffed, "Clyde, stop being immature!"

"You should praise me and my almighty powers of Pac Man munchin'!"

Just as Wendy was about to object and call Clyde out on his Pac Man 'skills'…

"It's fucking freezing out!" all three of us turned to see the snack shacks door swing open and show a shivering Bebe, by the looks of it she seems a little pissed off. I can really tell by her appearance, disheveled hair a lot like Tweeks, smudged mascara, a ripped scarf and wet pants.

"Don't be upset, you'll get frown lines." I sang to her tauntingly. Clyde mimicked me and we wrapped our arms around both sides of her.

She huffed like a little girl and attempted to shove us back, "They're called worry lines and there is no way in hell a girl of my age and beauty would ever develop such ugly traits at such an early stage in her life! What do you take me for, some old bat?"

"A pretty, old bat!" Clyde huddled closer to her.

She heaved a sigh and managed to get out of our grasp, "Well I'm going to get some hot chocolate, I do love chocolate."

I cocked a brow, she said that kind of suggestively, "We used the chocolate flavored condom the other day." Clyde winked at me. I really don't know how someone as stupid as him got a girl as hot as Bebe.

Do I find Bebe hot? Yes. Answer confirmed.

"W'ere eez ze spaz?" me and Clyde jumped at the sudden voice but turned to see Christophe staring at us. This boy shows up at the most random times, it's like way to sketchy to be considered okay.

"Why?" I asked curiously. There is no reason that this dude should want anything to do with Craig's Tweek. Tweek is owned by Craig, thus you need his permission to even approach the jittery boy. Christophe doesn't have permission, actually I'm one of Craig's lackeys and have been informed to keep Frenchy away from Tweek.

No lie, Craig legit hates Christophe with almost every fiber in his being. That's pretty intense because Craig's motto is 'Show no emotion.' thus showing anger or hatred is breaking his motto. Well point blank, I'm not telling Christophe where Tweek is and I'm not letting him near our innocent boy.

"Clazzified." he responded sternly as he whipped out another cigarette. This boy is definitely going to die because of smoking. Yup, lung disease, no doubt.

"Secrets don't make friends." I responded just as sternly. I guess it's beyond pathetic considering the lengths I'll go to fulfill one of Craig's ridiculous requests. Maybe I just really want to keep Craig as a friend, there's no real explanation to why I'm pissing off a dude with a shovel… Clyde's stupidity is officially contagious.

"Eef I told you I'd 'ave to keell you." he smirked and inhaled the smoke again. Then he spewed smoke rings at me, that's just disgusting, "Or at ze very least cut off your tongue."

I gulped, for some odd reason my brain is telling me that maybe not questioning an assassin is the right thing to do. I stepped back and coughed a bit, due to the smoke, "Yeah, then I guess I don't know where Tweek is."

"Are you implyeeng you do?" he asked, his propped eyebrow showing his true curiosity of the situation.

I simply shrugged, "I don't know."

"You do. Speak now, cocksucker." he ordered firmly.

He can probably sense my fear, that's why he's being even scarier than normal…not cool, bro. I cleared my throat, "Well considering you asked oh-so-nicely I guess I have to tell you. Oh wait! No I don't." I smiled back innocently.

"Don't be a cock blocker." he said hush and harshly. Like some sort of threat. "I don't get een ze way of you and your toy, don't get een ze way of mine."

"Whoa! Pardon me, but who do you think is my toy?"

"Ze idiot, no doubt." he said straightforward and too casually.

"What?" shouted Clyde, "We're so not gay, dude, I mean yeah we like to hang out a lot. We even make gay jokes sometimes…and we like sleep over each other's houses and junk but- wait…I'm not doing such a good job at defending myself…"

"Dude, shut your piehole!" I shouted angrily. Clearly he's just making us look gay!

"The only thing that shuts my piehole is pie! Or a taco…" he looked off into space lovingly. No doubt imagining some dancing and singing taco putting on some ridiculous show…

"Or a dick?" Christophe smirked and flicked his cigarette to the ground, a taunting smile plastered to his face.

"Listen, Frenchy!" I said getting worked up. Shit. Stay calm. Act cool!

"No. You leesten 'ere, blackee, zis eez a trip wiz a pact. A pact zat clearly statez eet eez a free-for-all, meaning I can 'ook up wiz ze twitchy boy eef I want."

I stared back at him dumbly…He's got a good point, I mean we did all agree to be whores for the summer. I just smiled, "Good luck with that."

"Christophe!" Bebe let out a giggle as she snuggled up to the boy, "You always go disappearing on me! I wanted to go tubing with you, but I couldn't find you anywhere. I thought 'Hey! He must be making out with Kyle somewhere!' but Kyle was hanging out with Stan the whole day…" she drifted off in the conversation, but kept her peppy smile, "You still like him, right?"

"Actually he's going after Tweek next." I glared at him and he mirrored my expression.

"What are you gonna tell Kyle?" she asked curiously.

"Your keeding, right?" he asked bewildered, "Zis w'ole treep revolvez around being slutz."

"Yeah, but we can't go around breaking hearts! Kyle's already twisted in the head because of how Stan treats him. Then we have Kenny who makes perverted remarks to him. Next is Cartman who has a fucked up crush on him. Me who just adores him." she paused and directed her full attention to Christophe, "You can't just ignore him."

I looked at her and back at Christophe then towards the door, "Incoming. Jew, two o'clock."

"Actually it's five o'clock." stupid Clyde…

"Hey guys, I'm so hungry." the boy smiled kindly at us and quickly his eyes flickered to Christophe. That's when his smile got even bigger.

Seriously, if Christophe thinks he can just fuck around with everyone on this trip he's got another thing coming! My fist. I mean he can't just tease our Kyle like that, it's fucked up. He's not Kenny, he's not Bebe, he has no right to act like a whore. EVEN IF IT IS A WHORE TRIP!

So maybe I do sound a little hypocritical considering we all agreed to act like whores…no strings attached, but that doesn't count. I really wish we didn't invite him on this trip, I just know he's going to start some stupid drama with Craig. They'll fight because of the whole Tweek thing- overall, things will just go out of proportion because of that stupid French piece of shit.

Craig and Tweek entered the room hand in hand, which completely cuts me off from my mental ramble…that's probably for the best.

"Cartman has a bloody nose, in case anyone wants to help him." Craig said emotionless, I'm going to guess Cartman's nose and Craig's fist have been personally introduced.

Kyle laughed harshly, "Serves the prick right."

"Why, what'd he do this time?" asked Bebe as she sipped her hot chocolate cutely.

"He was making fun of Butters and Tweek while they were practicing." Kyle explained.

"Are Wendy, Kenny, Butters and Stan with him?" I asked. Whenever our group gets separated it isn't the best, someone always manages to get completely lost.

At least I know where Clyde is because when he disappears I can never seem to find him. That's why he ends up waking up in random tranny's motel rooms…not my problem. Even though I am like his guardian…

"Wendy's avoiding Cartman and Butters asked Kenny to help heal the fat-lard. Kenny used his boner as his brain and complied." Craig announced as he snatched Clyde's coffee and handed it to Tweek. Clyde just stuck his tongue out to show his annoyance…idiot.

"Well let's get them all and we can go back to the warm, hot sun, that we never, ever get to experience!" Bebe rolled her eyes and led us out of the shack.

I noticed Christophe grin seductively at Tweek, which caused a horrified shiver to wave through him.

I hate Christophe…

* * *

Don't murder me! I know it's a wicked short chapter, but I don't really know how to portray Token...at all.

Oh well... I really tried...

Plus I think I started a bit of drama in this chapter ;)


	12. Day Eight: Lazy Day

**Day eight: lazy day**

"_Wendy…"_

"_Oh my god. Amazing..." she nuzzled into him and giggled innocently. Though what she had just done was far from innocent._

_He blushed and turned his head, though holding her tightly, "That was my first time." _

"_But…everyone admitted it! Nobody is a virgin… the beginning of this trip we all said we weren't…" she drifted off, she was utterly confused and well, drunk of course._

"_I lied. You took my virginity." he wasn't so drunk…_

"_I'm honored…" she kissed his chest and slowly made her way up to his lips, "Someday, let's do it again..." _

I regained focus and came back to reality just as Kyle snapped his fingers in front of my face. That stupid Jew gets on my nerves, bitch doesn't know how to respect someone's goddamn authority. "What the fuck do you want, Jew?" I growled.

"Don't get all huffy, you fat fuck. I was just asking what you want to eat!" he crossed his arms and shot me a sharp glare, dickhole.

"Oh I don't know, Kahl, we're ordering pizza, right? So I guess I'm gonna have some goddamn pizza. You would've never guessed!" I spat sarcastically. Seriously when we order pizza, why the fuck wouldn't I have pizza?

"Fuck you, dude, you can starve!" he hissed back angrily, such a fucking temper.

"Skipping a few meals once in a while wouldn't be a bad idea for you, Cartman." Stan commented. He's such a fucking faggot, the only reason he bothers to bag on me is because his boyfriend does it. He's a follower, just like when he followed those emo bastards…fucking hippy-emo-wannabe-poser-fag.

"Ay! Fuck you!"

"What an original comeback!" Bebe giggled as she pranced around in her slutty outfit. Nobody wants a chick that puts out for free! Dumb hoe…

"Screw you guys! I'm going outside." I stomped off the bus and left all the assholes to sit in the bus without my presence, that should show them not to fuck with me. Now they're probably really bored and lonely without me, because I'm awesome.

Craig was outside smoking a cigarette, he grunted when he saw me, "Don't talk to me, lardass."

I rolled my eyes but grinned wickedly, "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bedroom last night. Let me guess your bed was occupied by Tweek and Christophe instead, right?"

"Seriously, Cartman! I'm not in the mood for your shit." he said sternly. He was pretty pissed. Now normally Craig is far from pissed, just dead, like a lifeless bastard. So of course I can't let this opportunity go, I have to make fun of him! Push him over the edge.

"I bet Tweek liked it too. The French have all the moves. I mean you can't be as suave as Frenchy-boy, not with a nasally voice like yours; it gives you a permanent sinus infection."

"Your not remotely funny, assfucker."

"Whatever at least I can keep my woman under my wing, jackass."

I felt a sharp burn and yelped. That asshole just burned me! He fucking used me as an ash tray, that son of a goddamn fucking bitch! I shoved him back and he pushed me too. I toppled backwards unable to keep my balance and…well I was on the ground before I knew it, "Fucking asshole!"

Craig didn't utter a word and flung his used up cigarette on the ground before going back into the bus. I sat up and grunted, he thinks I'm mad, no way! Dude, I just pissed Craig off! My day is fucking made!

Stan stepped off the bus and gave me a nod, to show he acknowledged my existence. Like I give a fuck if he acknowledges me or not, psh, please!

He leaned against the wall and sighed, "I hate Christophe."

"He's a cocksucker." I stated bluntly. "Though I hate you too, so I'm not willing to bond over our hatred of the French piece of shit."

"You're such an ass."

"Yeah well you suck." I spat back. It was a shitty insult I admit…oh well…

"Not as much as your mom." he laughed harshly.

I gripped my fists tightly, "Douche!"

"Fag."

"Like you should be talking! Why don't you go fuck your best buddy Kahl?"

"Wouldn't he be busy fucking Christophe." Stan huffed angrily.

I quirked a brow, a sudden topic for conversation, excellent. "Ah, ah, ah is someone jealous?"

"You of all people should know I didn't fuck Wendy on this trip." he turned to me with a serious expression. Shit, this might be a deep conversation…those normally end up awkward…

"No shit. I fucked your girlfriend." I taunted with a smirk.

"Well she isn't my girlfriend anymore, so I don't give two shits." he rolled his eyes, "But I did have sex on this trip."

"With the Jew, no doubt." I stated. It's obvious to everyone not just me. Stan is too fucking stupid.

"Yeah…so…I don't want to lose him to Christophe…" he's opening up to me! The fuck is going on?

"Well grow a pair and win Kahl back." I stated as if it were just that simple.

"It's just that I really, really care for Kyle. Like a lot, dude. I know that I was in denial after we fucked but that doesn't mean that I didn't like it! I was just going through that stage were I couldn't fully accept the fact that I was gay. Who wouldn't be a little confused if they found out they were gay! I was practically fucked up anyways considering I was shitfaced, so how could I properly digest this sudden information that I was bent? I couldn't! Then Christophe had to come along and just fuck everything up! Stupid ass, cocksucker, I fucking hate him with every fiber of my being. He knew I was just struggling with coming to terms with my sexuality, but he still went after what was rightfully mine! I just can't-"

"Shut the fuck up!" I hissed angrily.

He froze and shot me a glare, "The least you could do is listen, fatass."

"I listened enough!" I growled, "Stan, we're kind of friends, so I'll give you some advice. I don't know if you'll take it, but I'll give you some anyways."

He nodded, "Alright."

"Well it seems Frenchy has won Kahl's heart, so win it back. Take action and do something crazy for him. Just do something."

He nodded and smiled, "That's actually kind of good advice…in a way?"

"No shit. I'm a fucking genius." I examined him, "Maybe get a haircut, so you don't look like a fucking emo faggot anymore."

He laughed and punched my arm, "Fucking douche…"

"I might be a douche, but you're a fag." I spat back with a grin.

He just smirked back, "I still top."

"That's too much information…"

Hours later…

"Well today is going by rather slowly…" Bebe whined as she was sprawled across the couch with Clyde. That fuck eats more than I do…wait are those my goddamn cheesie-poofs!

I snatched the bag from Clyde while Kenny got everyone's attention, "Considering we didn't do anything exciting tonight, I will change that."

"We're not having an orgy." said Kyle with annoyance in his tone.

"Yeah I ain't a fucking faggot!" I barked harshly.

"No you're a bigoted asshole." said Wendy with a smirk.

"Shut up!" Kenny rolled his eyes, "We can have fun even if we do stay on the bus all night. We just have to make do with our time." he grinned as he held up an empty bottle, "With some good ol' spin the bottle."

"Isn't that a little…immature?" asked Token.

Wendy nodded, "I haven't played that since like middle school."

Bebe laughed loudly, "Ah! I want to play it so bad! Please, Wendy?" she clung to her friend and whined obnoxiously. I want to buy that bitch a muzzle.

"Fine, but are we really just going to do pathetic little kisses?" Wendy crossed her arms. What more does she want? If we go any further then it'll end up like a fucking orgy.

"How far do you intend to go?" Kenny smirked disgustingly. That's why he needs his fucking hood, to hide his ugly ass face.

"Well we could do seven minutes in heaven." she smirked, "That would be a little more interesting, don't you agree?"

Kenny's eyes widened with pleasure and he looked at me, "I'm not objecting. What about you, fatboy?"

I glared, "Fuck you."

"You're not really my type." he winked obnoxiously.

"Let's play!" giggled Bebe.

…

I'm now in the bathroom with Butters…

"Well Kenny got kind of pissed." I chuckled as I sat on the toilet cover.

"Y-yeah…" Butters muttered quietly. Why the fuck is he so shy all of a sudden? I mean he even agreed to this slut trip, why the fuck wouldn't he expect to play some whore games?

"So…" I looked around the room bored. I mean I'm not gay but we have to do something…right?

"I promised Kenny I wouldn't do anything!" he practically shouted.

I cocked a brow and laughed dryly, "Yeah, I know. He told me."

"Oh…yeah…"

"Why do you let him push you around anyways. If I were you I'd be like 'ay! Fuck you, you poor piece of shit. Go make me a goddamn sandwich while I fuck some hoes!' you know?"

"No…I don't know. I love Kenny and I don't want to hurt him!"

"Kenny doesn't love you." I stated harshly. If only I cared about how much I just crushed Butters. Honestly I could see the pain in his eyes, like he wanted to cry. What a goddamn pussy.

"Don't say that, Eric!" he was kind of defensive, but not really. Like he wanted to believe that Kenny loved him, but even he was questioning it.

"I already told you to branch free from that douche bag. When are you going to take my advice?"

"When are you going to admit your gay?" he shot back, along with a glare. When does Butters ever glare? Never! He never gives anyone any shit, so why is he being a bitch to me? Asshole!

"What?" I couldn't even come up with a proper response. I'm not fucking nervous! I should be able to say 'No, ass-muncher. I'm not a fucking faggot."

He smiled, "I knew it."

Holy shit, I think I'm blacking out. Not really, but like WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING!

The next four minutes were filled with me and Butters making out. My tongue is down another man's throat…WHAT?

When the door opened me and Butters walked out and greeted the circle again. Wendy smiled at me, "I'm guessing nothing happened."

"Did anything happen?" Kenny asked demandingly.

I gulped and shook my head, "No, what the fuck do you guys think I'm a flamer?"

Kyle rolled his eyes, "No, Butters just doesn't seem like the person that would want to make out with an ugly piece of shit like you."

"Listen, Kahl, if I wanted I could get with anyone on the planet! Including Butters but for your infor-"

"We made out!" Butters exclaimed.

Silence absorbed the room. Stan and Kyle shared an odd look, Bebe attempted to contain giggles, Token grinned, Clyde continued to eat MY cheesie-poofs, Craig stayed expressionless, Tweek shook as expected, Christophe cocked a brow in amusement and bother Wendy and Kenny shot sharps glares.

And of course Craig felt the need to break the silence, "This trip is just full of surprises."

* * *

Alright, I know! This chapter was short and very OOC BUT I promise the next chapters will be better because we're restarting the cycle ;D And I'm much better at writing in Bebe, Kenny, etc point of views!


	13. Day Nine: Barn Kisses

**Day Nine: Barn Kisses**

Well this is just pathetic. I mean it's been forever since we went partying! I seriously need to get my drink on, get my swag on and get fucked up! That's what living is all about, focusing on the three most amazing things the world has to offer: alcoholic beverages, sexual intercourse and possibly some hallucinogens. Wow I feel smart when I used big words like that.

I guess I should dumb it down, I mean I am a blonde after all. The best things in life are simply getting drunk, getting laid and getting high as a fucking kite, bitches! Yeah that sounds like my mind alright.

I giggled to myself and due to the cashier's grin he thought it was pretty damn cute. I do have that effect on people, they look at me and instantly fall head over heels…for my body at least. "That'll be five dollars and forty-nine cents."

I smiled seductively and I could feel Wendy rolling her eyes. She was standing a few feet behind me: waiting for me to buy some junk food with my non-existent money. When you have tits like mine, everything is free.

"Well actually…I don't think I have any money on me…" I sighed and twirled my hair slowly. Now just nibble on the lip a bit and flash him the puppy dog eyes, "I think I misplaced it."

He gulped nervously. I'm such a deadly predator and he's a mere, innocent, foolish idiot, whom is my prey. I feed on guy's that get this nervous. I mean I'm not even giving my best amount of cleavage, yet he's taking the bait. I bet he has a boner he's hiding behind the desk.

"Well I-I don't think I c-can-" he stuttered nervously until another man showed up grinning with obvious confidence.

I corrected my seductive posture, hoping this isn't another stuck-up manager. I hate when managers fuck up my system of getting what I want. "What seems to be the problem?" he asked while directing his full attention towards me.

"Well, sir, I forgot my money. I know you probably can't comply and I don't want to seem like a pity case but I just have nowhere to go and absolutely nothing to eat. I mean my parents kicked me out because they found out I'm bisexual." alright, so it might be a lie, but I've always been fond of acting.

The boss, dude, guy's eyes lit up and he grinned wider. Good, he's turned on by hot lesbians! Or well…so it appears. "I'm so sorry. I mean I'm very supportive of gay rights."

I fluttered my lashes, "Thank you, that girl over there. She's my part time lover."

I looked back at Wendy who was obviously paying attention to the entire conversation, considering the look on her face. She was shocked and blushing like a clown! I stuck my tongue at her and she responded by shooting me a semi-glare and looking at the ground nervously, "She's shy." I stated with a fake smile.

He examined her and obviously noted how hot she was, I mean it's Wendy, she's my best friend and of course she's banging! He nodded at me, "Part time?"

"It's sort of an open relationship." another fake smile painted it's way onto my face. I can't make myself appear taken, that will ruin the game. Boys like to feel wanted, or feel they have a chance with a girl like me. Duh.

"Really? Well I don't think you should pay for this. You're going through a tough time." he pushed the chips and other snacks towards me and winked.

I grabbed them giddily and tilted my head gently, "Thank you, kind soul."

"But do you mind doing me a…favor?" he asked searching for the right word.

If he asks me for a fucking blowjob I'm going to be pretty fucking pissed. I mean I know I just gave him a pretty sexy story about me being bi and all, but that doesn't mean I'm easy! Oh well, smile Bebe! "Depends. What's the favor?"

"Well I was hoping you and your lover could stop by a party I'm having tonight."

My eyes flickered and I grinned widely, "How could I reject that?"

He laughed, "Cool, cool. So I'll write down the address and what time it starts, so you can meet me there."

I nodded eagerly, "Sounds great!"

"There'll be drinking and probably drugs and well plenty of hooking up taking place. You down with that shit? Or are you straightedge?" he asked curiously.

I licked my lips and leaned closer, "Take a guess."

Moments later me and Wendy were walking out of the store with free food and a party invite. I mean what can't nice tits get you? I laughed to myself and Wendy rolled her eyes, "You really, truly amaze me."

"Why is that?" I ask tauntingly.

She chuckled, "You manage to pull off the most bullshitted lie and you got us free food. I love you, Bebe."

"Love you too, lover." I ruffled her hair and skipped ahead to the bus.

"Where the fuck have you hoes been?" asked Cartman rudely. That boy needs to get off his fat ass and go take a fucking jog. He's always raiding the fridge and sulking on the couch. I just can't believe my adorable Butters made out with him. Oh my god, my beautiful Wendy fucked him! Dear Lord, my friends have no taste.

"We've been buying food, be grateful, fat fuck." I put the food on the countertop and he quirked a brow. That boy thinks with his stomach, no doubt.

"Well actually more like seduced a poor cashier into giving us it for free." corrected Wendy as she managed a genuine laugh. I'm really the only one that gets her to laugh and be goofy, everyone else just pisses her off. That's why everyone mistakes her for a stuck-up bitch, when in reality she is my best friend because she's so funny, outgoing, smart and goofy!

"Bebe's tits save the bus from starvation!" Kenny bowed towards my bust and grinned.

"Oh what will my mighty boobs do next!" I sang cheerfully.

Wendy laughed, "Not only did they save us from starvation but they saved us from utter boredom!"

"Did she let you play with her boobs too?" asked Clyde from his bunk. I burst into laughter, how stupid he can be. "I'm just saying that playing with her boobs always keeps me entertained!"

"Well thanks, Clyde-bear, you're a true romantic." I spat sarcastically as I plopped down on the couch beside Tweek and Craig. There have been some serious love triangles lately, most of which involving Christophe, so Craig's been extra protective of his Tweekers.

"I try." he nodded.

Craig rolled his eyes and flipped him off, "I feel like we have way to many conversations about Bebe's tits. Seriously they really will destroy society one day."

"Which is extra amazing because they hypnotize everyone, even the homos!" I caressed Craig's cheek and he just rolled his eyes at me. I take that lovingly!

"Whatever, nice tits are nice tits." Tweek laughed and Craig shrugged as if it was nothing. Even though Craig may pretend to be bisexual, I'm almost a hundred percent sure he's a complete faggot. He's just way too into Tweek's cock for him to even consider liking pussy. Simple as that.

"So how -nngh- did your boobs s-save you from boredom?" asked Tweek curiously. He's such a sweetheart!

I smiled kindly, "Well they got us an invitation to a party tonight!"

"Fuck yeah!" Kenny fist pumped into the air with pleasure. He's just like me, admiring the three amazing things of life. Me and him really must have some mind sync. We're just always thinking about the same things, we always talk about the same things and we always do the same things! We're brain twins!

"Christophe, slow down!" yelled Wendy again. She's always nagging someone, luckily for me she never nags me!

He rolled his eyes, "Go away…"

Well thanks to Christophe's extreme speed we made it to the party just in time. Not to mention it's a fucking barn party. No supervision or chance of parents finding out about the loud, obnoxious party. It's perfect!

Once we entered everyone took off, some went to the dance floor, some went to the make-out hay stack things and some went to go get fucking drunk! Well I might just do everything tonight. I laughed as Tweek walked over to me with two alcoholic beverages, that boy is always eager to get shit-faced. "Come on -nngh- Bebe we have to get fucked up!"

I giggled as he chugged down the drink with extreme speed. No one would expect it but that boy can hold his alcohol better than most people. Though we don't have to worry about him becoming an alcoholic because that's just way to much pressure. "Well if you insist!"

I'm now dancing on the stage, I didn't even know barns had stages, but this one does! "Hey, sexy." said the familiar voice of the cashier manager guy.

"Well hello hot stuff." I purred back at him. Fine, so I might be a bit tipsy. That's okay because Mr. Dude can help support my weight.

"You're having a lot of fun, aren't ya?" he wiggled his brows suggestively as I sat on the stage and he stood a bit closer than I'd prefer.

I twirled my hair, "Yeah!"

He handed me a drink and I chugged it down eagerly, "I love this song!"

"Why don't you do a sexy dance?" he asked seductively.

I swayed side to side and nodded eagerly. Time for everyone to see how sexy I really am! I stood up quickly and stumbled a bit, "Ready for a real show!"

I flashed my beautiful bust to the crowd and heard hollers and whistles. I giggled and twirled around. Somehow my shirt got stuck which impaired my view, which was already bad enough considering the shit-faced state. WHOA!

I toppled off the stage and nobody caught me, "Bebe!"

I laid on the ground with a thumping in my head and still not being able to get this deadly shirt off my head. Never mind, someone helped the dumb blonde, yay! I laughed some more and my vision fuzzed a bit, yet I managed to make out my savior. "Wendy! I love this song!"

"Bebe, stop drinking so much!"

"How about you loosen up!" I poked her nose.

"Bebe, stop. Let's get you back to the bus before you start upchucking…" she rolled her eyes.

"Someone needs to get the pole out of her ass!" I grabbed her cheeks and pulled her in quickly. It was about five seconds of pure…sloppy bliss! I enjoyed the feeling of us swapping spit. Sexy. "I've been waiting to do that for much too long."

"Well I always enjoy some hot lesbian action."

Wendy stared at me, blankly? I smiled at her nervously, "Wendy?"

"I can't-" before I could hear the rest of what she said I saw her walk away rubbing her temples. What'd I do?

"Did you have a fight with your lover?" he grabbed my waist.

"She'll be fine. Maybe she's drunk." I licked my lips and took his drink out of his hands, "But I'm not drunk enough!"

Moments later we were in a closet. A closet! Closets aren't supposed to be in barns. "Hey, bitch."

I went to shove him away but toppled over and landed on my ass, rather hard…I whined, "Don't!…touch me."

He ignored my pathetic shove and grabbed my wrist, "Shh, no need to freak out. This'll be one hell of a time. That's what roofies are made for. Fun, fun, fun!"

What's going on? I need help. Help! Oh shit…everything's blurry. Wendy? Someone? Get off! GET OFF!

Blackout.

"Where…wh-where am I?"

* * *

Alright, so when I start taking a long time to update that's when you guys have to threaten me. I know it sounds violent but seriously someone needs to grow a pair and bitch me out! If I start slacking just message me and be like "Hey, Bitch, you better start typing another fucking chapter to this story or I'll kick you in the nuts!" don't be afraid to be a Cartman ;D

_SPOILER: to the person who asked for more Creek, I promise the next Craig chapter will be focusing on just them ;) _


	14. Day Ten: I wish I had Amnesia!

**Day Ten: I wish I was the one with Amnesia!**

"Where's Bebe?" screamed an extremely freaked out Clyde. I mean, what should I expect? Clyde was born to be an overly animated retard. He grabbed Stan's collar and panted, "Everyone's here except her! The barn is cleared out, but there is no sign of Bebe!"

Not even Tweek was freaking out as bad as him. "AHHHHHH! Bebe can't be missing! Argh! I can't handle the pressure, man!"

I spoke too soon.

With a roll of my eyes and a shrug, "Guy's she's probably hanging out with that guy still. You know the one she was like all over last night."

Clyde shoved Stan and I couldn't help but chuckle, "What guy?"

"That cashier guy." said Wendy quietly. She was actually being extremely, awkwardly, unusually quiet and… nervous? Yeah nervous. I don't know what she has to be nervous about but she definitely is.

She sat down beside me on the couch and held her knees to her chest, see that's clear proof that she is uncomfortable about something. I'll have to talk to her about it later, I know me and her don't really get along but everyone else is to stupid to tell when someone is upset. Plus, if she's upset about Stan then I might be able to help.

"What cashier guy?" Clyde pouted with his arms crossed, "We can't just trust random guys with our girls! Guy's are weird."

"Not all guy's are weird, Clyde." I said casually.

He scoffed, "Are you high? I'm a guy and I'm freakin' weird!" he flailed his arms for emphasis, which just makes him look stupider than normal. Oh well, he's weird in a good way, I guess.

"Clyde, she's fine. You know her, she's very…" Wendy paused mid-sentence and bit her lip, "…Flirtatious."

"It's her thing." Craig nodded as he attempted to calm a jittering Tweek. The usual.

"Found 'er." Christophe had Bebe flung over one shoulder while smoking a cigarette in his free hand. "She waz een a closet."

He laid her down on a bed and walked away uninterested. I smiled at him and he barely gave me a passing glance. The fuck is his problem lately?

"Dude, she has a huge bruise!" shouted Cartman.

Clyde shrieked and ran to her side, "Holy shit, man!"

I walked over to examine the wound as well. My god… someone must've punched her, or maybe she fell? Either way that is one serious hit to the head.

"Wake up, Bebe! Wake up!" Clyde started shaking her viciously. "She's not waking up!"

"She's in a coma! Nngh!"

Cartman rolled his eyes, managed to trip Clyde and throw his drink on the sleeping Bebe, "That's cold!"

"She's up." he said casually.

"That was incredibly rude." Bebe wiped the substance from her face and rolled her eyes. "It's Cartman what did you expect? He's not some shining night that's going to place a kiss on your lips."

"Why would she want his nasty lips near hers anyways." Clyde gagged and chuckled.

Bebe stood up and looked around confused, "Who are you?"

Clyde stopped laughing and looked at her puzzled, "What? I'm Clyde."

"Clyde? Nice to meet you but how did I get here?" she stared at everyone and started to back away.

"Bebe, what are you talking about?" I asked.

She rubbed her head, "Who's Bebe?"

"That's you." Said Craig as he flipped her off, he gets annoyed far too easily.

"I don't remember…" she gulped nervously, "Anything. I don't know you guys or who I am. I don't have any idea where I am and honestly it's freaking me out!"

"Well let me sum it up for you. You're Bebe: an extremely promiscuous girl that wears way too much make up and depends on her boobs to get her whatever she wants. You're also considered the hottest girl in South Park, but that's not saying much considering the town is full of crack whores-"

"Like your mom." me and Craig said in unison.

"Ay! Don't talk about my mom like that you dirty Jew and emotionless dickhole!" Cartman snarled and continued informing Bebe about herself, "To put it simply you are a low-class hick from South Park that tends to whore around for fun."

She sighed and looked at the floor, "I sound trashy."

"You are."

I slapped the fatass's arm and turned to Bebe, "He's just a douche. Bebe you are a flirtatious girl, you know you love boys! That's why you don't have many female friends because you get along with guys.""Yeah, we're all here because you invited us to spend the summer with you on your RV." Craig elaborated.

Tweek nodded, "You're my -nngh- drinking buddy!"

"I'm your friend with benefits!" added Clyde happily.

As he went to hug her she pushed away, "Don't touch me! I'm not some whore! I don't have friends with benefits! I don't just drink to get twisted! I am classy!"

Cartman burst into laughter, "Sure, keep telling yourself that!"

Craig flipped him off and examined Bebe, "So you don't remember anything?"

"Nothing…"

"Well I know you don't remember anything, but you owe me twenty bucks." Craig smirked like the asshole he is.

"Shut up, Craig." spat Clyde harshly.

Wendy finally spoke up, she's been surprisingly quiet considering we found out her best friend has amnesia, "Christophe, start driving to the hospital. I'll get her checked in and we can see if this is permanent damage."

"Permanent damage!" shouted Tweek. Him and Clyde latched onto each other and both were on the verge of tears.

Cartman eyed Wendy, "Someone's holding up pretty well considering their bestie might never remember all their girl times."

She took a deep breath and glared at the fat son of a bitch, "Bebe's my best friend therefore I don't want to think about losing her. Make one cruel comment and I'll kick you so far up the ass-"

I cut her off, "Wendy go make sure Christophe is going the right way!"

A few hours later I was standing outside of the hospital. I can't stand the smell of them, it smells like death and disease. It unsettles me.

I sat down on the curb quietly until Wendy came out. She seemed a little edgy, "Hey, Wendy."

"Oh my god, Kyle, you gave me a heart attack!" she's already gonna start bitchin'…Be nice, Kyle, she's going through a rough patch.

"Sorry. So how's Bebe doing? Is it permanent?" I questioned.

She sat down beside me and shrugged, "I don't know, I just came out for some fresh air. Cartman's stinking up the joint. He had a burrito…"

I let out a chuckle, "That's cute."

"Tell me about it." there was a long silence until she started speaking again, "So I have a question."

"Alright, what is it?"

"How did you know you were gay?"

I blinked a few times, "I don't know. I know you might not like it but my first love was Stan."

She smiled back at me gently, "I understand. He's truly a great guy. He's loving and caring and always trying to please others. He was my first love too."

"Yeah." I smiled back.

Her smile faded a bit and she started to look upset again, "But how did you know you loved him?"

"Stan and me just had so much in common, that might be why I fell in love with him. I know that sounds stupid but when you spend so much time with one person and learn everything about them it's hard not to feel connected. I know all of Stan's secrets, his wishes, what he dreams about, I know everything about his past. I know what he likes, what he hates, who he hates and I just know him. We may not agree on everything but that's okay because our little disagreements always end up entertaining."

"Yeah but just because you know someone so well doesn't mean you have to fall for them. I mean even if I knew everything about Craig or Cartman I still would never ever end up with one of them. They're mean, so I wouldn't feel connected."

"True. Maybe it's because me and Stan can communicate without saying a word. He's one of those people I can just stare at and know what he's thinking. We're best friends."

"Best friends don't always fall in love."

"Not always, but in most cases after becoming so close to one person you can't help it, you fall in love."

"I see…" she started acting nervous again, "I think I love my best friend…"

"Bebe?"

"She kissed me at the party." I think she's blushing. That's nice. Now I don't have to compete with her to have Stan, though I am currently with Christophe… well not really, I mean it is a free for all. I'm confusing myself.

"Don't be afraid to go after her then."

"Thanks…I won't, if she makes it out okay."

"She'll be fine." I assured her.

10:00 PM…

"Alright, so since we managed to drive to Jersey, I say we go party like they do on Jersey shore!" Kenny grinned happily.

"Bebe can't party! She lost her memory, dude!" shouted Clyde. Him and Wendy were still trying to get her to remember things.

"Doezn't mean we can't party." Christophe grinned.

"I'll stay here with Bebe, maybe I can get her to remember us." Wendy didn't take her eyes off Bebe.

"Alright, cool, let's go!" said Kenny eagerly. What an asshole, so uncaring.

At the club…

"It's a Jersey thing." said the bar tender. She, like many of the others, had spray tanned orange oompa-loompa skin and overly volumized hair. How do they find that attractive?

"Yeah, I'm from Jersey." I replied with a smile. Use your manners, Kyle, these are your people…sort of…

"Aw, for real! That's awesome, darlin'. You don't have the accent, do you?"

"No, but I have the temper." I scratched the back of my head and smiled goofily.

"Ha! I feel you on that one!" she giggled.

"Well thanks for the drink."

"It's on the house." she gave me a wink, Jersey girls are actually pretty scary when they try to be cute…awkward.

"Yeah…"

I made my way through the crowd and saw a few members of the gang acting obnoxiously. Craig was being Tweek's drinking partner tonight since Bebe wasn't here. Craig's not usually a heavy drinker, so I'm going to guess he's going to end up sick tonight. Stan can probably take care of him again.

I chuckled to myself, as if on cue I saw Stan approaching me. "Kyle! Dude, Jersey people can party!"

He had to scream over the music, "Yeah, they gave me a free drink!"

"Awesome! Let's dance, man!"

After grinding around on the dance floor with Stan and Kenny, I decided to go to the bathroom. Alcohol goes straight through me.

On my way I saw Christophe, "Hey."

He turned to me, "W'at?"

"Just saying hi."

He didn't even flash a smirk, he's becoming as boring as Craig, "Yeah, w'at do you want?"

I ruffled my brow a bit, "Why are you being rude?" I asked sternly.

He scoffed, "Don't get your pantiez een a knot."

"The fuck? You're being a serious douche bag, you're more Jersey than I am." I hissed angrily.

"W'atever." he shrugged and searched his pocket for a cigarette.

The minute he put the cancer-stick to his lips I snatched it and tossed it on the ground, "Don't act like you're too cool for me all of a sudden."

"Don't touch my ceegarettez." He stepped closer to intimidate me.

"What are you going to do? Hit me? Really? Dude, we have a thing and you're acting like we don't."

"We don't."

I stared at him blankly for a moment, he said that so seriously. What does he mean by that? We had sex. Is that all he wanted? Why does this keep happening to me? Why does everyone regret doing it with me?

"Are you fucking shitting me?"

"Zorry, Jew. I've been fuckeeng ozer people." he spat so carelessly.

I felt myself twitch a bit with either anxiety or anger. Something in me isn't feeling right. I grabbed my hair and shook my head, "Are. You. Serious?"

He looked at me strangely, "W'at are you doeeng-"

"You fucking kidding me? You fucking kidding me, right? Right? God fucking dammit! You dirty fucking hamster. You're a piece of trash, you're nothing but fucking garbage!" I shoved him and managed to catch a few people's attention.

"Kyle?" said Stan from a distance, "Kyle!"

"Shit, he's going Jersey!" Kenny yelled behind Stan.

I glared at Christophe and before I knew it I threw a sharp punch to this jaw. It kind of hurt my hand, but I liked it. "Ze fuck!"

"Kyle!" Stan held me back.

"Nah fucking put him on the curb, cause he's garbage. Dude, he garbage. Fuck him and his nasty ass." I shoved Stan off me and lounged at him again.

Christophe backed away and his eyes widened, "W'at eez wrong wit 'im?"

"I'll fucking go crazy! Don't just smoosh people and not tell me! What the fuck, man. I thought we were bros and you fucking go behind my back and fuck other bitches!" I screamed and now their was a crowd of Jersey people cheering me on.

"Kill the bitch!"

"What a fucking whore bag!"

"Douche bag!"

"Beat the fuck out of him!"

"What classy people…" muttered Kenny. Like he should fucking be talking!

"You're a hoe. A goddamn good for nothing hoe! Go fuck your whore." with one last kick, I kicked him where the sun don't shine. Then stormed away.

What'd I say about my Jersey temper? I bet tomorro I'm going to wish I had amnesia, that way I wouldn't remember me making a fool of myself...

* * *

I know it was a quick chapter…sorry :/


	15. Day Eleven: Remember me, Bebe!

**Day Eleven: Remember me, Bebe!**

"I'm just saying that after the first day she should remember!" I said to Wendy who was occupied shoving a pole up her ass instead of listening to my perfectly reasonable explanation. "It's been a day and she hardly remembers her name, so we should bring up some memories to restore that empty head of hers!" I tapped on it gently and Bebe huffed.

I don't like this Bebe, she's all stuck up and totally unlike the normal, slutty Bebe that we love so much! "Well she's not going to remember if you bring up insignificant memories!" the bitch barked back at me.

I rolled my eyes, "You don't know how special our night in the bathroom stall at Taco bell was!"

"Taco bell? Where was I?" asked Clyde and I couldn't help but smirk at his utter stupidity.

"Probably stuffing your face, fatass." muttered Token as he flickered through the television channels and occupied the sofa.

"I heard someone say 'fatass' should I get Cartman? Are you looking for him?" asked Stan as he exited the bathroom with only a towel around his waist.

Mmm, mm, mm, what I would do to see under that piece of cloth.

"Point is, we need to let Bebe know she isn't you. She's Bebe."

"Bebe eez ze synonym for a salope." added Christophe as he revved the engine, he's probably not used to Wendy ignoring his insane driving skills. He probably needs a dose of Wendy's nagging, it's honestly quite fun to watch the girl get worked up over the simplest of things.

"A salope is a slut, just to inform you." said Stan, I bet you Kyle called him that while they were in bed together.

I chuckled a bit at my own thoughts.

Oh shit Wendy's ready to blow a fuse! Girls are only useful when blowing a dick, not a fuse! Quick, gotta think, gotta think. How do you paraphrase the word slut? Oh, I got it, "Bebe's a fun, outgoing girl. She loves parties and drinking and finds pleasure in many things. From simple things to sexual things."

Bebe looked lost, "Stop it. I just need time to think…remember."

"The longest case of true amnesia has only lasted forty-eight hours. If she doesn't remember by tonight, then she's pretty fucked." said Kyle, how does he know that anyways? He's like a encyclopedia, no! He's a computer robot!

"Can I take a walk?" she asked, "Fresh air might help me remember, you know?"

Stan shook his head, "We can't let a clueless chick walk around by herself."

"I'll walk with her!" I grinned and took her by the hand, which normally wasn't a bother to her, but this time she pulled away and gave me a threatening glare. "What's your problem, Princess?"

"Don't touch me. Okay." she ordered and walked out of the RV.

I scratched the back of my head and moaned, "Now I'm kind of regretting the idea of walking with the new stuck up hoe. Lame."

Wendy grabbed my wrist and gave me a pleading look, "Be nice. We want the old Bebe back, but it might take time. She remembered a few things about her childhood when we were talking last night. She doesn't remember everything yet but I have faith that she will."

"Don't get sentimental on me." I laughed to lighten the mood.

Instead of nagging at me, Wendy simply frowned. "Kenny, I want her to remember."

"Come on, pervert!" Bebe yelled from outside the bus.

I rolled my eyes and met up with the bossy queen. I didn't even know Bebe was capable of acting like a Wendy, she's just too nice to be a whiny little bitch. Maybe, I'm just upset because I can't get into a prude bitches pants.

I put my arm around her and gave her a shit-eating grin, "Well, sweetheart, where to?"

"The freaky French boy told me he parked close to a park, let's take a walk and maybe I'll remember something." she shoved me off her, "Don't touch me."

"Whatever, just so you know you were never prude." I spat at her harshly. I have no patience, I know, I know.

"So was I just some stupid slut?" she asked almost heartbroken.

My eyes widened as water filled hers, "No! It's just, you liked guys!"

"Oh."

"Maybe I can just list everything I know about you, maybe you'll remember."

She crossed her arms uncomfortably and didn't make eye contact with me, "I don't want you to list every sexual encounter we've had. That'll make me not want to remember."

"Alright, well I'll just list little things." I paused and nudged her so she'd look at me, "Baby steps."

She stared at me for a few moments and nodded, "Speak."

"Demanding." I muttered and thought for a moment, "You love make up! Whenever you're with Butters you have to paint his face with all the girly junk."

"Butters is the blonde, timid boy right?"

"Yeah! Me and him have this sort of relationship, I guess. So whenever you put make up on him and do his hair, I get so turned on." I winked at her and she actually smiled back.

"That's so disgusting. Though, I guess doing make up and hair would be fun." she nodded, "But most girls like that."

"Well back in middle school was when me and you actually started talking. We used to have sleepovers."

"I said nothing sexual!" she scolded angrily.

"No, no, no. We were like best friends. You were fighting with the girls because you developed way quicker than them and they called you a slut for no reason. Same thing happened in elementary school."

"How judgmental!"

"Yeah, but one day I saw you crying on the curb and decided to go talk to you. In all honesty I heard rumors that you were a slut, so I thought I could get with you if I talked to you." I rubbed my neck and smiled, "You know, I've always been a perverted guy and your hot, so yeah."

"Well, what happened when we talked?"

_Flashback…_

_Kenny paused when he heard sniffles and whines. He continued walking towards the moans and cries and was shocked to see none other than the peppy, blonde from his class sitting on the curb bawling her eyes out. _

_He thought for a moment and remembered how Wendy said she wasn't friends with Bebe anymore because she became a whore. Whore's are easy to get with. Instantly Kenny thought about boobs and finally losing his virginity._

_He felt a shit eating grin form on his face as he approached the depressed girl, "What the hell's wrong with you?" not the most sincere attitude._

"_Get the fuck away from me." she hid her face away from him. She didn't want his pity._

_He sat beside her even though she didn't really invite him to listen, "Doesn't crying give you premature wrinkles or some shit."_

"_I said go away!" _

"_I'm trying to be helpful here."_

"_You're doing a shitty job, asshole."_

_There was a long pause and Kenny was going to just leave because he didn't want to console the bitchy girl. She obviously didn't want to talk to him anyways, but before he got up to leave he muttered one last thing. "Pretty girls shouldn't cry."_

_It was almost inaudible due to his hood and the whispering tone. Bebe heard it though, "Wait!" Kenny stopped immediately and quirked a brow, "You think I'm pretty?"_

"_Yeah." _

"_Is it because I have boobs?" she looked at the ground nervously._

"_I like your hair. It's messy." _

_She shrugged, "I've never even seen your hair."_

_He shrugged too, "I'll show you some time.""I thought you only take your hood off when your around your close friends."_

"_We could be friends."_

"_Thanks, Kenny."_

_End Flashback…_

"That simple?"

"That simple."

"Wow. That was really nice of you." She blushed a bit. "We had sleepovers?"

"Yeah you'd sneak over my house and we'd just talk all night. Then we'd go to school and fail our tests. Sorry to say but you're not that smart."

She shrugged, "Yeah Wendy told me I struggle with school."

"We skip class a lot to smoke." we finally got to the park and started to stroll along the path, "But we had to steal the cigarettes from Craig."

"Which one is he?"

"Kid that wears the chullo, no emotion."

"Right."

We walked in silence for a few moments until she spoke again, "Name ten unique things about me."

I was caught a bit off guard. I mean I don't know everything about Bebe, we're close but I never really listen to girls when they talk. We have to remember I'm totally sexist. "You never told anybody else but me this." I paused because I'm not supposed to repeat this to anyone. I mean I know she's the one that told me, but…I don't know. "You went to therapy every Saturday because your mom caught you cut yourself one time."

"I was emo?"

"You were sad."

"I told you that? I actually trusted you more than like Wendy?"

"Well I was struggling with depression from home life, so you just trusted me with that."

"What else do you know about me?"

"You would wash your belly button intensely because you said sweat collected in it." I gagged at the thought.

"Ew!"

"That's you, not me!"

We shared a laugh and she pushed me gently, "Alright, don't tell me anything unique. It's weird."

I nodded, "You're a pretty weird chick."

"As far as I remember you're a freaky pervert."

"Got that right, babe!"

Another laugh escaped her lips and she smiled at me, "So am I friends with everyone on the bus?"

"Yeah. You get along with guys more than you get along with girls." I explained casually.

She sighed and looked at the ground awkwardly, "So I really am a whore?.."

"You're perfect." I grabbed her hand and interlocked our fingers.

She hesitated and I could tell she stiffened her posture. Something is so off about her, I mean I know she lost her memory, but even the faintest touch practically scares her. "I'm not going to hurt you. We've held hands before."

"I know…" she stared at our conjoined hands and then stared at me, "I remember the first time I held your hand."

_Flashback…_

"_Hey, Bebe!" shouted an overly enthusiastic boy._

_Bebe focused on her pocket mirror as she adjusted her hair. "What, Ken? I'm kind of bus-AH!"_

_He grabbed her arm forcefully and started dragging her away. "I have to show you something important!" _

"_I'm wearing heels! Stop running, idiot!" she pouted, "And loosen your grip!"_

_He ignored her complaints and continued at his fast pace. About five minutes of running and Bebe was out of breath. Thankfully they arrived at his house. "Wait here." he ordered._

_She rolled her eyes and fixed her hair the best she could. She managed to lose her compact while being dragged, "Whatever!"_

_Moments later Kenny returned from his back yard with a bundle of fireworks, "I snagged these from Stan's uncle!" _

_Bebe's eyes brightened, "Dude, that's awesome!"_

"_Right! We can set them off tonight!"_

"_Alright!" she giggled._

_Later that night…_

"_Let's shoot the fire!" she shouted eagerly._

_Little did she know Kenny didn't know how to light a firework properly. "Mother fucker! Stupid son of a goddamn whore! Fucking-cunt-shit-dickhole! Fuck me in the ass with a rigid fork!" he shouted in pain._

_Bebe gasped in horror when she saw the bloody hand, "Jesus, Ken!" _

"_Fuck, fuck, fuck! Don't tell my parents! They'll go rip-shit!" he whined as he winced in pain. Though he could handle pain better than most eighth graders._

_Bebe gulped nervously, "What do I do?"_

"_I don't know! I can't go to the hospital they'll call my parents- fuck it hurts!" _

_Without a second thought she ripped her shirt and wrapped the fabric around his gushing hand, "Hold this on it. I bet Token will let his nurse look at it. He won't tell anyone."_

_When her eyes met his she realized he was smiling, along with a faint blush. She quirked a brow in confusion, what could he be smiling about? Then she noticed she was holding his unharmed hand, "Uh…" she blushed, "You okay?"_

"_Yeah, I'll be fine." he gripped her hand tighter, "Thanks."_

"_N-no problem." she stuttered a bit and smiled brightly, "At least you didn't die."_

"_Dying isn't such a big deal." he shrugged trying to seem cool._

"_But you can't see me when your dead and buried six feet under." _

"_You'd be surprised at how much I watch you."_

"_You better not watch me change or take showers, perv!" _

_End Flashback_

"I remember that." she looked up at me and gave a genuine smile, "I really remember that, like perfectly."

"See, you like the pervy me!"

She rolled her eyes, "Puh-leeze! You can be a totally gross jerk!"

"Someone needs to get the pole out of her ass!" I grabbed her cheeks and pulled her in quickly. It was about five seconds of pure…sloppy bliss! I enjoyed the feeling of us swapping spit. Sexy. "I've been waiting to do that all day!"

Bebe's face went blank and I got kind of nervous. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to kiss a mentally confused girl. Maybe she really doesn't remember me too well…Maybe I just fucked her up worse! Oh shit! Wendy is going to be the shit out of me like a piñata. Not good.

She looked up at me with startled eyes. I'm seriously freaking out! Like what if I just traumatized her and now she'll never remember anything? That's so messed up!

I leaned towards her and grabbed her shoulder, "Bebe? You okay?"

She swatted my hand, "**Don't**."

I blinked confused, "Bebe…"

Before I could even comprehend what was happening she was bawling her eyes out. Seriously, it's a bit awkward. Then she grabbed my hoodie and buried her face in my chest, "Kenny…" I continued to look around uncomfortably. I'm not a very good comforter. I'm not good with tears and crying.

"What's wrong?" I asked confused.

"I rememer…I-I r-remember…everything! I! I remember it all!" she sniffled and choked on her words due to the hysterical sobs. "I kissed Wendy!"

"That's not something to cry about." I patted her hair, "She won't hold a grudge. You might even be able to have a little lesbian fling." I suggested trying to be helpful but she cried harder.

"She left…she left m-me at the party!" she used my shirt as a tissue. Not cute. "Th-then that guy- he! That douche bag!"

"Craig?" I questioned.

"NO! Th-that guy. The convenience guy! He-he raped me!"

My eyes widened in shock and before I could even allow my brain to understand what she was saying. I got angry.

* * *

In case your confused as to why she recollected everything, it's because when Kenny kissed her it instantly reminded her of her and Wendy's kiss. Which brought back the memory of the whole night.

I know...NOT A FUNNY CHAPTER! DON'T HATE ME! I'll try and make the next chapter extra funny. But I wanted to develope a connection between Bebe and Kenny...I like Benny xD

Plus maybe in a later chapter we'll see our guy's go badass on Mr. Rapist ;D


End file.
